Beliefs are birthed.
Your actions are based on your emotion,
Your emotions come from your thoughts,
And your thoughts are birthed from your beliefs.
The Wounded Belief Will Not Heal Until We Treat It.
Discovering and correcting limiting core beliefs about asking for referrals and receiving referrals is absolutely essential if we want to manifest our desires on a permanent basis.
If we set our intention to build a By Referral Only business while harboring a core belief that insists it's impossible, the results we create will be, at best, temporary.
Simply repeating a positive affirmation such as, "I am referable" without first eliminating the underlying, negative core belief that you’re not good enough and others will not refer you, is akin to slapping a Band-Aid on a festering wound.
The wound will not heal until we treat it.
The Only Thing That Matters
It does not matter how you picked up these limiting beliefs. The only thing that matters is that you recognize that the negative emotion is pointing them out to you.
Negative emotion is saying to you: You’re holding a belief that is thwarting your light from shining.
What is a limiting belief?
Many deeply held beliefs we have about ourselves and our personal referability is simply not true.
Do you know that the only thing that can ever hold you back is your own limiting beliefs? Now, what is a limiting belief? A limiting belief is a belief that contradicts your desire.
That is why I have created the Belief-O-Matic.
This is a simple eight-step process used in NLP to bring a deeper awareness to the when, where and how you established your core belief.
Once you uncover the root of the belief, you can then discard it.
This is always one of the most dynamic sessions at the Main Event.
Here is a coaching dialogue transcribed from a live event.
Stan is a real estate consultant who truly desires to build a By Referral Only business and he has this reoccurring negative thought that says, “getting referrals is far too difficult to do and running ads and cold calling is easier”.
He loves to work with referred people and his current strategy to get referrals is to wait until they come to him.
This is very reactive, not proactive.
So, Stan asked me to help him remove this belief he had about how difficult it is to get referrals.
The Belief-O-Matic In Action
Stan picked the statement “Asking for referrals is difficult,” as the core belief to change.
He gave me permission to coach him through the Belief-O-Matic Process. Look what happened – pay attention – you only change when you pay attention.
Stan: Asking for Referral is difficult.
Joe: How long have you had this thought?
Stan: Forever. I am very uncomfortable asking for what I want.
Joe: Do you have a reason that benefits you to hang on to that belief?
Stan: No, I don’t want it.
Joe: How do you know you don’t want to believe that asking for referrals is difficult?
Stan: Because it is difficult, I don’t ask, and I don’t get any.
Joe: In regards to being difficult, have you ever felt like things have been difficult for you?
Joe: Stan would you repeat that belief, 3 times…
Stan: My whole life has been difficult. My whole life has been difficult. My whole life has been difficult.
Joe: Can you remember your earliest memory of things being difficult?
Stan: When I was in high school.
Joe: Can you describe a very specific situation where you experience this difficulty?
Stan: Yes, at school in the swimming class. My coach made me swim and it was very difficult for me to do.
Joe: Can you think of an earlier incident in which life was difficult?
Stan: Yes, when I was 7 years old I broke my glasses. (Stan pauses, his eyes well up, this means we are getting to the root to the belief.)
Joe: Describe the exact situation you’re in, with complete detail, as if you are in it.
Stan: I am walking home from school, looking down at my glasses and they are broken. I am very upset because I know that when I get home, I am going to get in big trouble. My dad is so hard on me.
Joe: What is little 7- year-old Stan feeling as he walks home with the broken glasses?
Stan: I can’t do anything right.
Joe: Say that again.
Stan: I can’t do anything right. It’s just too hard for me.
Joe: Stan, now stop that picture, freeze-frame it. Now imagine that Big Stan is in the picture. That is you today. What would Big Stan say to Little Stan, who is walking home from school with broken glasses?
Stan: He would say it was no big deal.
Joe: Can you hold little Stan in your arms right now and simply say, Little Stan you’re safe; it’s no big deal.
Stan: Yes. It’s no big deal little Stan; it really doesn’t matter.
Joe: Now, can you tell Little Stan that you love him and you will always be there for him?
Stan: (Eyes swell up a little tear falls to his cheek. This means the new belief has been installed.) Yes. Little Stan, I love you and I will always take care of you.
Joe: Stan, open your eyes. Fill in the blank. Asking for referrals is _________.
Stan: (With passion and conviction) Is no big deal.
Stan wrote me a note after the training.
On a purely personal level today, I am back in touch with the realization that I don’t have to live my life out of the choices and decisions I made as a child.
I am free to choose right now and in every moment to live and act from who I am now to create the person I intend to become.
Here Are The 8 Steps That Stan Went Through – I Call It Belief-O-Matic
Step1. Select a single statement that represents your negative belief about asking for referrals. Stan selected’ “asking for referrals is difficult.”
Step 2. Make sure you want to change your belief. When you are working with a coach, guide or friend to help you make changes in your belief, make certain that you give your guide permission to change your belief. This step is called Desire.
Stan confirmed that he wanted to get rid of the belief that asking for referrals is difficult.
Step 3. Say your current belief out loud with passion. Take complete ownership of your belief. Stan says three times, “ Asking for referrals in hard.” He says it 3 times with great passion.
This step is called Ownership.
Stan affirms, “My whole life has been difficult.”
Step 4. What is the earliest memory of difficult?
You most look deeply into your memory. If you say “I can’t remember anything,” it means that you are choosing not to remember anything.
Remember, reunite and reconnect with you. The memory that is most painful is the one you choose not to look at or re-experience. This is the part of the process that will set you free.
Close your eyes and look deep. Keep saying the Ownership Statement out loud and discover the memory that is the earliest experience of this statement.
You might remember something from high school.
If you have a specific example before the age of 10 – you might want to look again. Can you remember anything before the age of 7 that reminds you of difficult? Stan shared a high school memory and I helped him look to an earlier time.
Most of the time your beliefs come from early childhood from birth to 5 years old. Once you have discovered the origin of the belief – go to-
This step is called Discover.
Stan remembers his experience with his broken glasses.
Once you have the picture in mind, completely embrace the scene.
Be in the scene.
Relive the scene.
Completely associate with the situation – this is a memory not a reality. Byron Katie says you may have been beaten as a child once, but in your memory you beat your self up everyday by not dealing with this once and for all.
This is the step many people in our culture choose to cover up with a pharmaceutical solution. Speak it out loud and say exactly what is happening. Speak it in the first person like it is happening to you right now.
Completely feel the emotional charge associated with it. This step can take time to fully process – feel it – embrace it.
Stan embraces his story. I am walking home from school, looking down at my glasses and they are broken. I am very upset because I know that when I get home I am going to get in big trouble. My dad is so hard on me.
Step 6. Once you have fully emotionalized in step 5 – or another way of saying it is you are done crying – now dissociate from the scene.
Create a still picture of the situation in your mind. Disassociate from the situation.
Simply stand outside the picture and witness the scene. The step is called Witnessing.
Stan freeze-frames the picture and steps outside it.
Step 7. As you are witnessing – access love.
Find something in the situation that you can love. Surround the picture with your love. Love the situation.
Love the picture. You don’t have to love the people. Just love the situation. If you choose, you can love the people. The secret to releasing the old belief is to release the energy that is stored in the memory. This memory is controlling you life.
Choose to live from your imagination, not from a childhood memory that you didn’t even choose.
The path to freedom is filled with love. Love heals all. This step is called Acceptance.
Big Stan picks up little Stan and says, “ It’s no big deal.”
Step 8. Re-Create a new belief.
Stan says that asking for referrals is no big deal.
The Belief-O- Matic
1. Awareness -