Joe's Journal

What is Commitment?

Good Morning,
5:05AM

4-27-2007

This morning I found myself considering all my current commitments.

Then as I was thumbing through an old journal this passage instantly got my attention.

After reading several times it was easier to re-commit.

Enjoy

Joe

Commitment

Commitment is what transforms a promise into reality.

It is the words that speak boldly of your intentions. And the actions, which speak louder than the words.

It is making the time when there is none.

Coming through time after time, year after year.

Commitment is the stuff character is made of, the power to change the face of things. It is the daily triumph of integrity over skepticism.

~Anonymous

My Six Short Sale Rules

In some parts of the country short sales are becoming common place.

It’s important that you define a set of boundaries or rules that you adhere to in this type of situation.

These would be My Six Must For Me To Work On A Short Sale.

Do you have any to add?

1. The seller wants to keep their credit in good standing.

2. The seller has some cash to contribute to the short fall.

3. There is enough money in the sales to pay a second mortgage or any liens or judgments.


4. You know the lender will accept short sales.


5. You are willing to work with buyer who will wait two to three months to close.


6. You get paid full commission.

Be conscious what type of deals you get involved in.

If you apply these six rules to a short sale situations, more than likely you're going to serve someone during a difficult time.

Joe

Comment:
The seller must have a "hardship" and be able to document it.
(ie:illness,divorce,reduction in income,family crisis, loss of job etc.)

They need to show the lender why they cannot continue to make payments.
They also need to provide all their income/expense information. If they
are "payment capable" even if its difficult chances are the lender will
not accept a short payoff.

Cherie Tiscareno
cheriet@comcast.net

What Does It Mean To Make a Difference?

Good Morning,

Watch this short story and rediscover the truth about our ability to make a difference in this world, one person at a time.

Click Here : Make A  Difference Movie.com

Thank you Paula!

Joe

Your Primary Business Purpose is to be Referable!

Another way of saying that is, 'your primary purpose in business is to be on purpose'.

Your purpose is who you are.

Who you are is a person who is committed to showing up in all your relationships knowing your advice, your knowledge, your wisdom, your love, your compassion, all your systems, methods and procedures, and all your actions, are leading to one very simple outcome – your client respects and trust you so deeply, that they refer you to the people they care about most.

Because of who you are, your purpose is your highest priority.

Choose To Have An On Purpose Day

Joe Stumpf

The Power of Awareness by Neville

I have read almost everything written on the “Law of Attraction” and what Neville wrote in 1944 in his book the Power of Awareness has more truth per word then virtually anything written since.

Take a few minutes and deeply consider what Neville is saying.

The Power of Awareness by Neville

Page 19

To become the master of your assumptions is the key to undreamed of freedom and happiness.

You can attain this mastery by deliberate conscious control of your imagination.

You determine your assumptions in this way: From a mental image, a picture of the state desired, of the person you want to be.

Concentrate you attention upon the feeling that you are already that person. First visualize the picture in your consciousness.

Then feel yourself to be in that state as though it actually formed your surrounding world. By your imagination that which was a mere mental image is changed in to seemingly solid reality.

The great secret is controlled imagination and well sustained attention firmly and repeatedly focused on the object to be accomplished.

It cannot be emphasized too much that by creating an ideal within your mental sphere, by assuming that you are already that ideal, you identify yourself with it and thereby transform yourself into its image thinking from the ideal instead of thinking of the ideal.

Every state is already there as “mere possibilities” as long as we think of them, but are overwhelming real when we think from them.

How Can I Be A Low-Maintenance Person?

Good Morning,

It's a great question?

Low-maintenance people have low levels of conflict and “drama” in their lives.
Whenever you experience conflict in a transaction, it is a result of one of these characteristics – on the part of you, your client or a team member! 

The best way to attract low-maintenance people in your life is to become more low-maintenance yourself – the “Law of Attraction.” 

When you tell the truth, take responsibility, appreciate others, keep commitments by making only those where you control the outcome, become “other” focused and integrity driven, you are not only referable but desirable.

Characteristics Of a Low-Maintenance Person

1.    Has the ability to tell the truth.
2.    Has the ability to be 100% responsible.
3.    Has the ability to keep commitments
4.    Has the ability to appreciate you.

Telling the truth means not overpromising – ever. 

Being 100% responsible means you neither blame nor become a victim.

Keeping commitments means doing what you say you’re going to do. 

Appreciating means acknowledging others for how they behave and what they contribute.

Have a great day!

Joe

How Can I Get Past My Fear of Asking for Referrals?

Everyone wants to be accepted, don't you"

That’s at the core for all of us:  I want you to accept me. I want you to like me.  I don’t want you to reject me.

An easy way to get people to accept you and not reject you is to avoid asking for anything.  That’s the little child in us, that 10-year-old who learned early that you risk rejection when you put yourself in the position of asking someone for something. 

So, you’ve got to recognize that that child has grown up.  This is an adult in business.  When you ask for a referral and the person says they don’t know anyone, they’re not saying they don’t know anyone forever.  They’re saying, “I don’t know anyone right now.”  It’s not a personal attack or a rejection. 
You may have to do some inner work along with the outer work of implementing systems and strategies.  Focus on gaining your acceptance from yourself, not from others. 

Self-esteem is a lot of little victories over a long period of time that you add to an internal bank account.  Eventually you’ll take bigger risks because you’ve got something to withdraw on. 
The thing that kills self-esteem the fastest is setting unrealistic goals. 

Don’t get attached to the outcome, get attached to changing your behavior of asking.  And then, every time you ask or BRAG or plant a referral seed, you’ve got a victory.  Let the victory be about the behavior and not about the results.

  If you work on your behavior, the results will come

Put Some Conscious Magic In Your Purpose

Are you passionate about communicating your business purpose?

Imagine using the script below when you are in dialogue with a current client.

Magic Words

Mr. and Mrs. Client, my purpose is for you to be so outrageously happy with the help I provide you that you’ll gladly introduce me to at least two people you really care about before I even sell your home, or help you buy a new home or close on your loan.

Three Things To Learn From My Dialouge

1. Outrageously Happy Not Satisfied.

When you use the word outrageously you are raising the frequency of your communication to a level of attraction. Just say the word outrageously 3 times loud and notice how much better you feel.

2. Help Not Service.

As you may or may not know service is a wimp word. Help means someone is in trouble and they need and want you. Every time you are about to say the word service, stop and think how can you say the same thing using the word help.

3. You’ll Gladly Introduce Me Not Refer Me.

As Dean says at the Main Event, “the word referral is a soft meaningless word,” However it’s a great in the name of a company - By Referral Only, and it's weak word when your asking people for help.

You are far better off asking for people to introduce you to their friends, family and neighbors that they believe could benefit from your wisdom and real estate and mortgage strategies.

Here to help.

Joe Stumpf

P.S. Have you heard that over 900 people have signed up for the Las Vegas Main Event.
Come and join us for the worlds most specific training on How To Build A Referral Business available any where, including on this planet!

How I Use Conscious Language When I Write My Daily ‘To Do’ List

Yesterday, a good friend of mine asked me to share with her, one specific tool that she could begin to use immediately to improve her time management skills.

I told her that she could improve her productivity by 25% by planning through her day, not just making a list of To Do’s.

Maybe you have heard me say, “Plan through it, not to it.”

She looked at me like what I just said was too big for her ears. 

So I asked her to show me her daily ‘To Do’ list to demonstrate my point.

Here is what was on her list that day:

•    Workout -- run 1 mile.
•    Call Larry on Hawthorne property.
•    Call BRO coach @ 10:30am.
•    Drop off Calhone paperwork at bank.
•    Set appointment with Chiropractor.

I wondered out loud how inspired she got when she read her list.

So I said, “I’m not going to tell you that when you read your list of things you want to do today, it’s not very inspiring, because I believe you already know that."

"What I would like to suggest you do is rewrite your list using conscious, inspiring words that plan through the item, not just to it.”

So I helped her rewrite her ‘To Do' list using conscious, focused language:

•    Workout -- run 1 mile.

I choose to work out from 7am to 8am at LA Fitness. When my workout is complete, I feel invigorated, alive and ready to have a great breakfast. My breakfast fuels me perfectly throughout my day.

•    Call Larry on Hawthorne property.

I choose to call Larry and fully inform him about my lease agreement on my Hawthorne listing. My desired outcome for my communication is Larry is confident and self-assured that he has chosen me to represent him on his investment property.

•    Call BRO coach @ 10:30am.

I choose to call my coach at BRO at 10:30am. I make my appointment no matter what. I show up, willing to be coach-able. I follow my coach’s advice – I love my thought “I am coachable."

•    Drop off Calhoun paperwork at bank.

I choose to drop my paperwork off at Coastal Bank for my Calhoun Project. When I walk in my bank, I smile and make eye contact with everyone. Each person in my bank sees me as a light of positive energy.

•    Set appointment with Chiropractor.

I choose to set up my perfect appointment with my chiropractor. As I talk to my contact person who sets my appointment, I visualize receiving my most convenient time for me in relationship to my full schedule.

•    Call Carol about new office.

I choose to fully express my pros and cons with Carol about my new office. My outcome from my collaborative conversation is, I understand Carol’s reasons to switch spaces, and I fully communicate my three concerns about my new space.

When I was done helping her rewrite her 'To Do' list, she was obviously more inspired with my version.

It may take about ten minutes to write your daily ‘To Do’ list using my conscious language approach and planning through it, not to it.

The extra ten minutes is like sharpening your saw before you cut your lumber.

The little extra time in advance, will make your day flow with ease and grace.

Two Simple Tips On How To Write Consciously

1.    Replace the words 'I need' and 'I want' with 'I choose'.
2.    Replace the words 'the', 'it', 'then' and 'they' with 'my'.

For example:

I choose to write a meaningful, thought-provoking blog for my joesjournal and post it to my blog before 1 pm PST.

Choose a wonderful day!

Joe

“ How Reach The Highest Levels Of Personal Development”

Larry Laveman has been my personal coach, "therapist" for the past 7 years.

He is a remarkable, wise, insightful teacher and guide. Well he has finally written a book.

It's packed with brilliant advanced awareness.

I highly recommend that you add this easy to read and profoundly intelligent book to you life library. He has condescended into 135 pages what has taken me seven years to figure out and integrate into my life.

Here are a few lessons Larry has taught me that you will discover in his book titled "Mysticism & Modern Life – Ancient Wisdom for Personal Growth"

I don’t like the title that much. Since I have a marketing mind, if I were going to re-name it would be...:)

       “ How Reach The Highest Levels Of Personal Development”

         Life Lessons I Have Learned From Larry

• Why the simplest things in life are the deepest, how to discover them and then orient your life around fully enjoying them.
• Why it is so difficult to take action even when it means making our life’s better.
• What does anxiety in life really mean? (This one thought is worth the price of the book)
• How to change awareness by changing behavior.
• How to break habitual life patterns.
• What are my patterns?
• Who do I attract?
• Why do I attract certain people?
• How was my identify formed?
• How am I connected mentally, physically, and spiritually?
• What are my strengths, talents and natural abilities?
• What do I expect of myself?

Lets Do A Tele-Book Discussion

When you buy the book and read it I would love to do a book study with you.

Just email me and let me know you want to be part of the book discussion. I will send you dates times and a phone number to join in.

I will share with you specifically how I have been able to work with the material presented to greatly improve my relationship with my children, my friends and most importantly myself.

Joe

Click Here To Order:
Mysticism and Modern Life: Ancient Wisdom for Personal Growth

The Hawthorne Effect

How Can You Use The Hawthorne Effect In Your After Unit?

In the 1930's, some studies were held at the Western Electric production facility outside Chicago in a place called Hawthorne.

The intent of the study was simple enough: invite a handful of employees to participate in various working condition tests to determine which conditions were most conducive to increased production. Those conditions that "tested" best were then to be rolled out to the general production floor. One of the things they tested was brighter lights. Production went up.

Then they tested dimmer lights. Production went up. In fact, no matter what they tested, production went up!

Dr. Paul Marsden, from the London School of Economics, brought my attention to the study and the results, which have come to be known as the "Hawthorne Effect." He explains it like this in the preview chapter of his book 'Connected Marketing':

By singling out a small group of employees to participate in an exclusive trial, participants felt valued, special and important. The special attention they received gratified their ego and created a positive emotional bond with what they were trialing.

The practical upshot was that the research trials effectively transformed the research participants into advocates for whatever it was they were trialing.

What does the Hawthorne Effect have to do with growing your business? Creating advocates, or promoters, or evangelists, is the first step to harnessing the power of referral marketing.

The researchers at Hawthorne created advocates by singling out a small, exclusive group, giving them special attention, and asking for their opinion. It is possible to do the same with your real estate or mortgage business.

Here is how you may put the power of the Hawthorne Effect to work for your business today.

Choose some buyers, seller or borrowers, make them feel special, and ask for their feedback on a new system, a new website, new blog, or a new event you're planning.

Not only will you get good feedback, you'll get advocates and all those they go on to tell.

Charger and Raven Fans

How long do you stay on it?

How long does it take you to recover from a setback?

Imagine a transaction falls out of escrow, how long do you cry about it?

How long do you choose to whine and complain and be a victim of the circumstances??

What is your rule, for how long you get to dwell on the negative before you let it go and move on?

On the other hand, how long do celebrate after a victory?

Imagine you get a listing, or close a transaction, how long do you gloat and celebrate?

How long do you continue to tell people how good you are and how successful you are?

Patriots and Colt fans, how long do you plan on celebrating your victories?

Don Shula, the famous coach of the Miami Dolphins, had what he called was the 24-hour rule.

It was simple.

If you lost a game, you got 24 hours to feel the pain, whine about, cry, whatever you needed to do. Then you had to forget about it.

The next morning  be at practice, ready to go like nothing happened.

If they won a game, they got 24 hours to play, party, celebrate, goof off, whatever they needed to do to fully express their happiness for 24 hours.

Then forget about the victory and show up at practice ready for the next game.

You work in a business that has many highs and lows.

You can walk into the office and be at the heights of exhilaration and with one phone call go to the depths of depression.

What I have noticed from the most successful “A Players” in our industry is they don’t try to get rid of the highs and lows, they have learned how to ride them.

When you get a phone call that the appraisal comes in low, set a very specific amount of time you get to complain about it, then once that time is over, you focus all of your attention on a solution and never talk about how bad it is.

When you loose a transaction or a client, you get 24 hours to get off it.

When you do something big and celebratory, you get 24 hours to party, then get off and move on.

The ability to get back up after you have been knocked down is the hallmark of real champions, and how quick you can get back up is what will keep your spirit fully engaged in your life purpose.

I love what Mary Kay said, “A setback is a set-up for a comeback.”

Have a brilliant day.

Joe

Forming Good Habits

What habit have you developed that you really like?

For example, I have developed the habit of getting up in the morning at 5am.

I really like that about myself.

I feel like I get my day off to a great start when I meditate for one hour before I do anything else.
I like to imagine that my body is like a light bulb and I am the electrical current running through the bulb.

I am not the bulb.

When I go to bed at night, I turn off the light. When I wake up in the morning I first must turn on the light.

Experience has shown me that when I meditate for one hour first thing in the morning, I turn on my lights.

The stronger my meditation, the deeper my connection, the more focused I am on my God First consciousness, the brighter and the stronger the current.

Only after I have fully plugged into Gods Love, then I begin my day.

Now this is a habit that I developed for myself to strengthen my spirit.

I imagine you too have developed a few very positive habits in your life also.

A good habit can strengthen your self-esteem and bolster your confidence.

Experience shows that once you perform an action, it leaves an effect or impression on the consciousness.

After several repetition's, that inclination is so strengthened that the action becomes a habit.

Clay can be molded into a vase and while the clay is soft, it is easy to change the form of that vase again and again. But once it is fired in an oven, its shape becomes firmly set.

Your thoughts are molding your actions and your mental conviction from repeating of those action is what creates a habit pattern.

If you have molded clay into a vase and fired it and now you want to make that object into a tray, you cannot do so.

But you can pulverize the vase and add that powder to fresh clay and then form it into a tray. Likewise, when a habit is fired in the mind and you want to change it, you will have to use your strong will to pulverize that habit and absorb it into fresh, pliable, good actions that can be re- molded.

So what bad habit do you choose to pulverize and re-mold so you can experience being the highest version of your self?

Get Focused, Stay Focused

Happy New Year...

I was wondering if you have begun to notice that without focus, it is difficult to succeed?

Yet, in my experience, I believe that no matter who you are, you lose your focus.

Is that true for you?

Also, in my experience, I have noticed that what separates the Pro from the Amateur is the Amateur will lose focus for days, even weeks, maybe even a month at a time.

While the Pro never loses focus for more than a day, maybe two, because the Pro has mastered the skill of refocusing.

I imagine you may want to know how to get refocused when you seem out of focus.

I’m not going to tell you that it is easy to turn Pro because you already know how to be Amateurs, but may I suggest these three habits be woven into the fabric of your life, so you can enjoy the benefit that Pros receive that Amateurs only dream about.

Three Pro Habits That Get You Refocused

#1. Recovery Time.
Once a year, get away for a least 3 days to redefine your dream and revisit your 3 major life projects. (Read the post “What Separates Pros From Amateurs").

This year, as a matter of fact, while you read this, I’m in Idyllwild, California, fully emerged in a 5-day spiritual retreat, fasting on lemon water, maple syrup and cayenne pepper and meditating 3 to 5 hours a day, getting refocused on what is important to me.

#2. Remodel Time.
Each month, take 5 uninterrupted hours focusing on what projects and activities will give you the most significant thrust towards the accomplishment of your 3 major life projects.

#3. Results Time.
Pick one project at a time and invest 75% working on it until it is complete.

So for example, you want to get 3 listings or loans this month, upload all of your data from your database system to myclients, and you want to hire an assistant.

The secret is to pick just one of those three projects and pour 75% of all your time and energy into that one project until it is complete, instead of 25% on listings and loans, 25% on data transfer, 25% on hiring an assistant.

When you focus your energy on one thing, you get it done faster and better.

Those are three simple and easy tools to help you get focused and stay focused.

Happy New Year,

Joe

Stop 'Needing' Referrals

Have you ever heard, “Whatever you focus on, you attract?”

On a recent coaching call, one of my clients said, “I really need to get more referrals.”

My response was, “As long as you need them, you won’t get them, because the more you need something, the more you attract the energy of needing.”

She asked me to explain what I meant.

When you need something, it means you don’t have it.

When you don’t have it, you come from a place called 'I need'. You’re in scarcity and you lack something. From that place, you attract more neediness.

So, when you think and say “I need more referrals” – what you manifest is a need for more referrals, and you’ve achieved that goal.

That’s not the goal you want. Your goal is getting referrals, not the need for them.

Try this: Right now, begin to stop needing referrals.

Starting today, choose Being Referable versus Needing Referrals.

Affirm these two statements out loud with passion and commitment:

I love the thought of being a highly referable consultant who easily receives two great referrals from each of my current clients.

I love the thought that today, I have decided to get two great referrals from each of the people I talk to in my sphere of influence.

Keep playing these positive affirmations in your head.

What you think about, you talk about, and what you talk about, you bring about.

Go for it!

How The Pro Stays Motivated!

The amateur is waiting around for someone to get them motivated to get them inspired to light a fire under their ass.

The pro is self-inspired, they don’t need any one to light them up, they are on fire, they inspire themselves.

The Pro is internally motivated.

Do you want to know how to go from amateur to pro, its; simple there are 3 steps to becoming self motivated.

Step #1 Know Thyself!

Socrates guiding rule was, "Know Thyself."

These words are of eternal significance.

No better advice has ever been give to man or woman.

When one begins to explore this dictate it leads to profound understandings about all of creation. It makes unhappiness, fear, sadness, doubt, and all the negative emotions meaningless.

You begin by knowing what need MUST  be met at all times for you to feel like you are the highest version of yourself.

There are eight basic core needs, look at the list and ask yourself which need MUST you have met and then orient your life around always getting that need met.

Rate yourself on a scale of 1 low and 10 high which need MUST be met for you to feel joy, happiness and fulfillment.

1-    To be loved
2-    To be significant
3-    To be admired
4-    To be recognized
5-    To be appreciated
6-    To be respected
7-    To be secure
8-    To be accepted

Once you are crystal clear on your single highest need then you will turn pro the day you orient your entire life around getting that need met in an honest and ethical way.

Of course, the real pros get their need completely filled while they service others.

Step #2 I Had A Dream

What is your big life dream? 

Do you have a Big Harry Audacious Dream?

It could be what you want to become, what you want to achieve, what you want to do or what you want to have or specific you want to witness in your lifetime.

What is your big dream, pros dream BIG!

Step #3 What Are Your Three Life  Priorities

What 3 specific measurable things do you want to get done before you die?

1
2
3

Take time right now to go through each of these three steps and feel what happens to your internal inspiration.

When you know what you need, you got a dream and you know your BIG 3 life projects you get out of bed early, you eat healthly all day, you get plenty of rest and you focus on what's important.

Go PRO today...

Joe

Who Wants $100 Bill?

Merry Christmas,

The longer I coach and the more I witness success in the lives of people who apply my teachings the more aware I become of the real secret to significant change.

It's one word.

Action!

This brief video demonstrates exactly what action is all about.

Leads Appointments Presentations and Services

Doing business is simple.

1.    Get a lead.
2.    Set up an appointment.
3.    Make a presentation.
4.    Provide your service.

Being your best in each of those 4 areas is what By Referral Only is all about!

Joe Stumpf

The Ultimate Question

Good Morning,

How likely is it that you would recommend us to a friend or colleague?

                           Low  0   1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10  High

Is it possible that this single question has the power to guide and direct all of your business decision?

Imagine asking this question to your client at several strategic times in the relationships to determine if your client is a promoter of your service or a detractor.

Fred Reichhels has proposed a powerful and simple matrix to determine if your company has more promoters of your service or more detractors of your service. I am going to his seminar in New York in January to study more of his methods and will share more with you as I learn.

I'm curious, on a scale of 1 low and 10 high how likely is it that you would recommend By Referral Only to a friend or colleague?

Magic Words Language Pattern #2

I’m not going to tell you that your buyers, sellers and borrowers feel fear from time to time, because you already know that, but I will suggest that you better learn to ask profound, insightful questions that help them get out of their fear.

After all, that is what a skilled consultant would do!

Now, imagine what it would feel like to have two powerful questions in your arsenal of Magic Words that you could ask anytime you sense your client is in fear.

Imagine having two questions that instantly get your client to change their perspective from one of limited options to unlimited opportunity; fear to fearless!

I first learned these questions from my friend and mentor Brian Tracy.

Here is my story.

Back in 1985, I was promoting seminars for Brian Tracy. After a few years of working for Brian, I decided that I wanted to be the speaker more than I wanted to be the promoter.

I had to tell Brian what I was planning.

Because I admire and love Brian, I wanted his advice and his blessing.

I called Brian and asked him if he would give me some much-needed advice.
We met in the backyard of his mansion in Solana Beach.

I told Brian that I was ready to move on from being a promoter to being a speaker/trainer like him. He smiled and said, “Well, what is stopping you from doing what you dream of doing?”

I said, “Fear!”

Brian asked me this very profound question. He asked, “Joe, what would you do if you knew you could not fail?”

The question put me into a trance.

I stalled for a minute and he asked me the question again in a different way. Brian said,     “What would you do if it was OK if you fail?”

It was these two questions that opened up my mind to possibilities. For the next hour, I described to Brian that my intention was to teach real estate and mortgage lenders how to build referral business.

Brian smiled after listening vigilantly to me for over an hour and said, “Joe, go for it. I totally support and encourage you to live your dream.”

As I reflect back on that critical moment, it was these two questions Brian asked me that gave me freedom to dream bigger then ever before.

Sometimes all we need is someone permission to dream big!

1. What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

2. What would you do if it was OK to fail?

I now give you permission to ask your clients the same question when they are in fear or confused about what to do next.

My Three Key Books

A few days ago a friend asked me what three books have had the biggest impact on my business life.

I had to think about it long and hard. I went into my library, then I pulled out my old journals and here is what I came up with.

Discovering and Exploring Habits of Mind
by Arthur L. Costa and Bena Kallick                                  

A deep look at the 16 most important habits a child can learn to live a full and happy life.

If they are not learned by the age of 10 they become the the adults life mission. It is much easier to learn them before ten then it is between 10 and 50. At the Strategic Forum I will share the 16 habits.

Synchronicity:
The Inner Path of Leadership by Joseph Jaworski

Profoundly changed my point of view of what it mean to be a leader.
I will show you how I  create the space in my life to make my vision come true through the power of thought, agreement and following my instincts.
I have used the 5 key insights from this book to build By Referral Only to be the best training company in North America.

The War of Art:
Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles by Steven Pressfield

This is the kind of book you read everyday. It gave me the awareness to overcome my resistance to write. My work is my art and my business is my gallery. I will show you how I overcome the natural resistance to produce huge volumes of content daily.

22,000 Pages Viewed as of Today

The day that I conceptualized joesjournal.com, my intention was to have a creative outlet for all good stuff that I am thinking.

My thought was, if I could share my insight, wisdom and passion for building a referral business, that there must be a person who would benefit from my gifts.

I'm humbled at the remarkable reception of joesjournal.com

In 90 days, over 22,000 pages have been viewed.

My intention remains the same -- each day, share with you from my heart, my gifts.

What I want for you is more freedom, more prosperity, greater health and a deeper spiritual awareness.

I believe that I can give you the critical knowledge, the proven strategies, and powerful techniques to help you get from where you are to where you want to be.

So, thank you for referring joesjournal.com to the people in your life that you really care about.

The Best Is Yet To Come,

Joe Stumpf

Three Ways To Grow Your Business

Early in my career, I partnered with Jay Abraham to form a company called The Insiders Club.

We had about 1,000 real estate agents and lenders meet once a month on a conference call, and Jay and I would address their marketing, advertising and referral strategies.

One of the things we taught back then was that there are three ways to grow your business.

Understanding the power of this principal is what helped shape my belief system and also influenced me in changing the name of my company from Joe Stumpf Star Performance Seminars to By Referral Only.

Read this carefully. Maybe read it several times until the magnitude of what I am saying strikes you at the core of your business being.

There are three ways to grow your business and only three ways.

1. Increase your number of customers through marketing, advertising and promotions.

This is where almost every real estate and mortgage salesperson focuses most of their attention. While a consultant, like a true By Referral Only trainee consultant, focuses on the second and third way where you will have the greatest potential for sustained growth.

2. Increase your average transaction value.

This simply means increasing the amount of money you make per transaction. You can charge more for your services, sell higher priced homes or loans, have more transactions fees, or lower your cost per acquisition.

For example, charge a reasonable team transaction coordination fee, or only do transactions where you don’t pay a referral fee, or focus on only doing both ends of a transaction, meaning you help people who want to buy a home only if they sell their home with you, or you set a goal and create a plan to improve your average sales amount or loan amount by 30% by doing 20% of your transaction in a price range that is 50% higher then your current average.

So, if you are doing 20 transactions this year with an average sales price of $200,000, create a plan to do 4 transitions at $300,000 and 16 at $200,000. It’s like doing two extra transactions for the same amount of work. I am sure you can brainstorm dozens of other ideas that would allow you to increase the value of a transaction. You can own a title company, a carpet cleaning company, a moving company, and any service that people will need that is related to buying, selling or borrowing.

3. Increase the frequency of repurchases or get more residual value out of each customer through a deliberate, organized referral process. Hence “By Referral Only”.

How To Sell Your Referral Business

Joes Mailbag!

Do you have a question that you would like to get my thought on?

Just ask in the comment section and I will do my best to give you the support you need to get you from where you are to where you want to go.

Grandpa Wants To Spend More Time With Grand Kids

Joe, you may remember, I am currently in a ‘we’ business and am looking to ‘retire’ to be near the grandchildren in about 3 years.

You made it very clear that I must never tell my clients I intend to do that and I have been working hard to bring my partner, Nancy, to whom I intend to sell my book of business, into my business, more and more daily.

My question today is, foreseeing a time when clients will call to arrange a listing appointment, showings etc. in the future, I need a system and script response that introduces Nancy to them, without the client feeling slighted, and at the same time giving no indication that I have left the business.

Your thoughts?

Love, Grandpa

Magic Words that Get Referrals

Grandpa,

Yes, Grandpa I remember you well. You have built a business that is making your dreams come true.

Congratulations, I’m very proud of you.

Here are my thoughts…

Of course you know you have no control over how people feel. Part of the risk as a business owner is that people want to deal with you and only you.

The fact is, that that number is a much smaller percentage then you think.

The truth is, people want to sell their house or buy a house that meets their needs first.

They want their outcome, and who does it for them is secondary.

Grandpa, here are three things I would suggest you start doing right now.

1.    Get testimonial letters from clients about how great Nancy is.

Start singing her praise everywhere. Have you seen how I have been able to transfer the Half-Day division to Todd and Spencer? Since then our business has grown by 3%.

For years, I thought I was the only one that could provide that service. It’s amazing when you discover that the client wants the benefit you give, more than they want you the person, giving it to them.

2.    Start introducing Nancy now, as your equally skilled partner.

I would start a blog, just as I have, with video and have it mostly feature Nancy and her talents.

3.    Practice these words: Client calls in…

“Hi, is Grandpa available? We want to buy or sell a home.”

“Thanks for calling. This is Nancy, Grandpa’s partner, may I ask who is calling?”

“This is Dave Johnson.”

“Hello Mr. Johnson, Grandpa has told me so much about you.”

Go into my client’s database)

Use the FORD conversation skills. “Grandpa is not in right now, but he has asked me to make sure you get everything you need when you called.

How can I help you?”

I would seriously start calling yourself ‘Grandpa’, so when people ask where you are, Nancy can say, “He is being Grandpa.”

Sounds and feels better then “He sold me the business.”

Hope these thoughts expand your awareness or confirm what you are already doing.

Joe – Your Business Coach

12 Minutes A Week Will Make You More Referable For A Lifetime.

I love fresh starts and all the possibilities they offer. Every Sunday night is a fresh start to a new week.

Here is a simple exercise to help you organize your thinking so you can be more referable this week.
Six sheets of paper, an egg timer and a ballpoint pen are all the tools you’ll need to make sure that next year is your best year ever.

Here’s how it works…

Step 1: Take the first piece of paper and your ballpoint pen and write Recovery Time on the top of the page.

Set your egg timer for 2 minutes, and start writing about all the things you’d like to do with your Recovery Time this week.

Step 2: On the second piece of paper write Remodel Time.

Start with the goal of scheduling 3 hours a week where you don’t do anything but work ON your business.

Set your egg timer for 2 minutes, and write down a list of all the things that you’d like to get handled in this week.

Step 3: On the third, write Results Time.

Set your timer for another 2 minutes and write out an ultimate scenario of what a perfect Results Day would be for you - a vision of what that day would look like if you could have it any way you want.

How many appointments would you have?

Would they be listing appointments or buyer appointments?

Would you be taking loan applications?

Write down all the things you can imagine that would make that Results Day perfect.

Beginning the week with a clear picture of what 'perfect' looks like will be an inspiration for you in your Remodel Time to work towards making your perfect Results Day a reality.

Step 4: On the fourth piece of paper write Before Unit.

Now that you’ve got the vision for your Results Day, Remodel and Recovery Time, it’s time to make a list of all the things you ALREADY know you want to do in the Before, During and After Units of your business.

Set your timer for 2 minutes and free flow a list of all the things you’d like to get in place for your Before Unit.

What kind of lead generation system would you like to work on?

How about your website? Your focus with the Before Unit is on generating qualified leads to work with in your During Unit.

Stay focused on the individual unit here.

Step 5: On the fifth piece of paper write During Unit.

Do the same thing for your During Unit as you did for the others.

Make a list of the touch points you’d like to add to your world-class service delivery system.

Imagine your customer experience time line and list the new systems you’d like to install in your business.
Remember, the goal of your During Unit is to generate one referral DURING the transaction from 50 percent of the people you work with.

Step 6: On the final piece of paper write After Unit.

How about Evidence of Success, Letters From The Heart and the By Referral Only monthly Client Newsletter?

Spend 12 minutes a week on the six topics, and focus on the most important thing you can do in each category this week.

I think you’ll find that with your Master list and the weekly review, you’ll get more done than you ever thought possible!

What Does The Process Of Becoming Referrable Look Like?

Always Work Harder On Strengthening Your Referral Mindset,                      Rather Than Trying To Make A Name For Yourself.

MadeManPrint

Isn't Nice To Know....

When a person gives you a compliment, instead of deflecting it, build on it. So when a client says, “Joe, I appreciate all that you’ve done,” you pause and say, “Bob, isn’t it nice to know you now have a friend in the real estate business that you can be comfortable referring the people you care most about to?”

Magic Words That Get Referrals

Isn’t it nice to know that you now have a friend in the (describe what you do) that you are now comfortable referring the people you care most about to?

Isn’t it nice to know that you now have a friend in the real estate business that you are comfortable referring the people you care most about to?

Isn’t it nice to know that you now have a friend in the mortgage business that you are comfortable referring the people you care most about to?

Isn't nice to know that you now have a coach in the real estate and lending business that you are comfortable referring the people you care most about to?

That would be me!

Joe

Strengthening Your Referral Mindset

Always Work Harder On Strengthening Your Referral Mindset, Rather Than Trying To Make A Name For Yourself.

You know that mindset is more important than technique.

You can have all the magic words in the world and if you don’t have the referral mindset, you will only tap into a very small percentage of your referral opportunity.

The referral mindset is made up of three key concepts.
1-    Purpose
2-    Boundaries
3-    Integrity

Purpose

I like to ask the agents and lenders I teach, what is the single word focus for their business?

The words I hear most frequently are ‘service’ and ‘profit’.

Then I like to suggest that a word that better encompasses everything they want is ‘referral’.

I would like to suggest to you that if you were to define your business purpose with one best word, that word would be ‘referral’.

Think about it.

If you have a plumbing problem, would you rather look in the yellow pages or contact a plumber that you are referred to?

If profitability is important to you, then realize building a referral business costs you literally nothing in marketing, since the marketing is done by people who like you, know you and trust you.

If service is important to you, then realize that in order for people to refer you, they must receive value that is remarkable.

The word ‘remarkable’ means they are willing to remark about what they received to others in a positive, powerful way.

So would you consider that the  reason you’re in business is to create an experience that people are so outrageously happy with that all they want to do is refer you to the people they care about?

Boundaries

Just like countries have borders, you have boundaries.
Imagine that boundaries are invisible lines you draw around yourself that shape your interactions with others. Just like countries have borders to shape their values and culture.

Borders and boundaries are similar because they are necessary in order to structure and unify the way you run your business or your country.

You can encourage collaborative, respectful behavior when a person enters into your life.

You communicate clearly before a person enters into relationship with you how you define healthy, supportive relationships.

It starts with the simplicity of a five-star prospect -- open, friendly, knows what they want, will do it soon, will work with you, and then goes deeper into your core values of how you choose to treat each other while in relationship.

Strong boundaries will help sustain your energy by tempering the interruptions that cause you to lose focus.

I am not going to tell you to begin to educate your colleagues, manager and the other professionals who have a stake in your success about your boundaries, because you already know how important it is to teach people how to treat you.

I will tell you that if you don’t communicate clearly your boundaries, don’t expect them to know what they are. You’ve heard me say that the only place you can read minds is in marriage and sometimes that doesn’t work very well either.

People who have already decided that the By Referral Only way of life is what fits them, naturally agree that removing all the   tolerations that ‘cost’ you in terms of time, money, energy, and inner peace, will become a higher priority the more you embrace the mindset of healthy boundaries.

Integrity

The final part of the BY REFERRAL ONLY mindset is integrity. 

Your integrity defines how you stand up for your values, morals, and ethics.

Your integrity demonstrates how your boundaries ‘translate’ into actions.

It’s important to be a person of integrity, is it not?

I wonder whether you are aware of the fact that your business practices and the behavior that you display in the process will identify you either as referable – or not?

I wouldn’t advise you to expect or ask for referrals until you have a few basic positive behaviors that support referrability.

Referrability is...being on time, because this indicates how you will behave during the transaction and throughout the relationship. 

When you respect the value of another’s time, you are also modeling your expectations of their behavior regarding your time.

Referrabilty is...telling the truth – always -- even when it’s more convenient not to.

Referrability is...doing what you say you’re going to do.

Sooner or later your outward behavior indicates the kind of person you are on the inside.

Some people say to me the clearer you become about how and with whom you choose to work, the more you’ll attract the type of high-quality, compatible clients you seek. I know that this means that when your boundaries, purpose and integrity are in alignment and demonstrated during your day-to-day consulting, you’re referable!

Integrity is really being who you appear to be because you’re authentic.

Integrity is honoring your commitment to build the kind of business and life you choose for yourself and your family.

When your purpose and boundaries are clear, it’s easier to make good decisions, because your integrity guides (and simplifies) your choices, like the point of True North, on a compass.

Enjoy The Brilliance of Dean Jackson

Thought you would enjoy reading todays' blog from mybyreferralonly.com. It was written by Dean Jackson.

You can find out more about Dean and his brilliance at deanjackson.com

The More Conversational You Are, The Better.

There are two keys to this. First, it's important to have a conversation with people instead of an interrogation.

The more conversational you are, the better. I suspect a lot of people go through the qualification process as if they have a list of questions they have to get through, and they're checking off the answers as they go.

The Five-Star Prospect elements are a guideline for what you're silently looking to find out during the conversation.

The more personal, caring, and helpful you can be during that conversation, the better.

Second, try to go one level beyond their transactional needs and connect with them as 'a friend in Winter Haven' – that’s a much more powerful goal for the conversation.

Joe Stumpf talks about this as a crucial conversation, and it’s absolutely true. This conversation will set the tone for the entire relationship.

Don't make it a race to get through as many topics as you can. When you actually connect with someone, take all the time you need to connect authentically with them.

*****

I imagine by now you have already looked at the new “Total Solution” website, if not, call 800-950-7325 and schedule a one-on-one, hands-on tour.

Do You Trust Others To Refer You?

I often hear leaders say, “I don’t like to let go of control.”

I use to use that as my excuse for not delegating or hiring people.
“I am a control freak,” I would say.

Today, I know saying, “I’m a control freak,” is a convenient way to say, “I don’t trust you!”

The more work I do on myself, the more I reflect on my core character, the more obvious to me and others it becomes that I have a ‘trust issue’ not a ‘control issue’.

Trust.
Do you trust your friends, clients, and people you know to refer people to you?

Do you really trust them?

Here are some of my thoughts on the word ‘trust’.

•    Trusting is taking our hands off the handlebars of an outcome. It is electing to extend the boundaries of our liability and believing the reward of trusting is greater than the cost of disappointment.

•    Trusting takes someone at their word, expressing a belief they will follow through in all they promised.

•    Trusting would rather think the best and be disappointed than believe the worst and then be shocked.
•    Trusting is placing an upbeat spin on how we look at life.

•    Trusting is welcoming new things into life. It is giving God room to filter, examine and work through uncertainty.

•    Trusting is revealing more of us to others so they can let down their mask and share their humaness. It is being defenseless in a situation in order to gain the treasure of two-way respect.

•    Trusting says, I believe in you and your integrity. It may give someone what he or she can’t give himself or herself.

•    Trusting is believing in another before we see physical proof.

•    Trusting is being exposed enough to pay the price of being taken advantage of. All to build a bond more precious than the loss of being let down.

•    Trusting is giving another the opportunity to right a wrong, restore a confidence or grow a bond.

•    Trusting is allowing God to transform a life that is flat-lined by control into a roller coaster of events that He promises to turn to good.

When you choose to build a referral business you are now saying “I’m trustworthy.” You can trust me to do a great job with anyone you refer to me. I can trust myself to do a great job with the people you send to me.

Growing your business beyond you is trusting.

Over the last 23 years, I have gone from doing all the work myself, trusting no one and only hiring 'yes' people.

That is people who were trained to say, “Yes”.
You have seen the WWJD bracelets. The joke in our company back then was, "What Would Joe Do?"

Today it is very different. I trust my partner Terry. I trust my Leadership team.  I trust my friends. I trust my children. I trust you.

I got there because I now trust me.

Is it time to trust you?

Go For It!

How You Can Use The Open Letter As A Template

Is it possible for you to use the "Open Letter To Joe's Journal Readers" as a template to help you write a letter to your clients?

Read it and then decide how you want to use it.

It could be a letter after buyers, sellers or borrowers agree to work with you or simply as a letter from the heart sent to your entire relationship base.

Either way, my intention is to model a possible client communication you can use.

Send me your drafts and I will help you wordsmith them, then post as samples for others to learn from.

Joe

Open Letter To Joes Journal Readers…

I Want You To Know Who I Am And What I Believe Our Relationship Is All About

Dear Joes Journal Reader,

I have a set of 'Guiding Principles' by which I would like to conduct my life and have a relationship with you.

I hold my 'Guiding Principles' as a very important part of my daily experience.

Since you and I are now entering into a relationship where I serve as your advisor, guide and teacher, I believe it is important you know where I am coming from.

Especially since you are taking advice from me.
It is important you know what my 'Guiding Principals' are.

As you become more familiar with my work and you feel more comfortable communicating with me, I would invite you to email me your thoughts on what guides you in your life.

Here are my beliefs that guide my life and can also guide our new relationship.

Being An Advisor Is For Life

I believe you are seeking advice and counsel that will best serve your life. Therefore, I conduct myself as your Trusted Advisor for life, rather than as writer, author, speaker and trainer who is sending you emails or blogging daily.

I believe you read my blog for my energy, my insight, my wisdom and my advice. I do not take that role lightly. I am honored that I can contribute at this important level in your life.

I believe that only when I provide you with what you need and have earned your trust, then and only then, will you invest in my CD/DVD programs and attend my live events.

Connecting With The Heart Is Essential

I believe that the only way genuine communication can be given is when it comes from love.

Love is the best-kept secret of all.

I seek to come from the ‘heart’, which means I really care about you and I am willing to set aside my own agenda for you.

I will share things about my life with you.

You will get to know where my heart is and when you are comfortable, I invite you to share with me where your heart is.

I would love to know who you are and how I can best serve you through my daily writing.

Close Relationships Are Best

I believe that relationship bonding is how I best create lifelong relationships.

When I bond with you, you will then tell me everything I need to know to be successful inside our relationship.

However, if I just serve you as another reader of my blog, you will stick around as long as it is convenient, but will feel no loyalty. Therefore, with Joes Journal I choose to create a good, strong bond with you and remain professional.

Great Decisions Are Values Based

I believe that my decisions are easy when my values are clear.

Therefore, I will do my best to get clear on my values before I give you advice and insight.

I have experience in my 23 years of coaching that when I focus on my values I gain clarity, which gives me certainty, which ultimately provides me with the trust that I need to take action.

Speaking The Truth, I Become Trustworthy

I believe you have a hierarchy of trust within every relationship you’re in.

Therefore, for you to trust me, I have to extend myself by being available, by volunteering information, by sharing my personal experiences, and by making connections with my experiences and aspirations of you.

I believe that trusting you encourages you to trust me; distrusting you makes you lose confidence in me.

Building Competencies And Wisdom Is Crucial

I believe that when I combine my competency with common sense, good judgment, and lots of experience, I know you get my best expertise.

Therefore, I am constantly building on my core competencies and my inner wisdom, becoming a lifelong learner, so I can better serve you with daily insight and wisdom to help you become more referable.

These principles have been evolving since 1988, when I started the company By Referral Only.

They have been tested and challenged and continually prove to create enjoyable, healthful businesses and joyful personal lives.

In closing

I read a passage from Marian Williamson's book, “Return To Love”. I have reprinted this and give everyone who comes to my 3-day event a copy.

Each time I read it, it inspires me to be the highest version of myself. I now give you a copy and invite you to pass it on.

Play Big

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be—brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.

Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
~Marian Williamson

I look forward to writing to you daily for as long as you find value. I invite your questions and comments and will respond to each one of them in the timeliest manner possible.

Go For It

Joe Stumpf

CLick Here Now To Get More Listings or More Loans Now!

               

I Want More Clients Now

 

          

Is It True That People of High Character Refer People of High Character to People of High Character ?

It's an interesting question, is it not?

If it is true, then I must ask myself, "How high is my character?"

Have you ever considered how high your character rates? Just wondering.

Take this quiz:

•    Name the ten wealthiest people in the world.
•    Name the last ten Heisman trophy winners.
•    Name the last ten winners of the Miss America contest.
•    How about the last ten Academy Award winners for best picture?
•    The last decade's worth of World Series winners?

How did you do?

I didn't do well either.

With the exception of you trivia hounds, none of us remembers much about the headliners of yesterday.

Surprising how quickly we forget, isn't it?

And what I've listed are no second-rate achievements.

These are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Now, here's another quiz:
•    Think of three people you enjoy spending time with.
•    Name three people who have taught you something worthwhile.
•    Name two friends who have helped you in a difficult time.
•    List a few teachers who have aided your journey through school.
•    Name a half dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you.

Easier?

It was for me, too.

The lesson?

The people who make a difference are not the ones with the credentials, but the ones with character.

#1 Principal Of Referability

Character is how we see another when they open up.

It is analogous to the self. When the outer is an accurate manifestation of the inner, we say that one is 'congruent'.

When a person is outwardly what they are inwardly, an element of trust is developed on our part.

Character is to integrity, what self is to credibility.

The Best Characters relentlessly pursue excellence.

They go the extra mile so that in everything they do, in everything they say and think, they are striving for excellence. (Not perfection -- read yesterdays posting.)

The Best Characters have life-long habits of personal growth.

They must grow in their work, their intellect, their spirituality, and their relationships, in every area of their life.

And they discipline themselves to put themselves in situations where they grow.

Personal growth doesn't ‘just happen’. You choose to grow.

The Best Characters have a quest for leadership.

Someone has to lead - it may as well be the Best! Those who attain it get there because they must. They must lead and help make a difference.

And they must to be equipped with the skills necessary to lead others on to a better place.

The Best Characters leave a legacy.

They aren't in it just for themselves, though they will surely reap the rewards of being the best.

Rather, they build things that last beyond themselves - things that can be enjoyed by others as well.

The Best Characters make no excuses.

When they fail, they admit it and move on. They get back up and do it right the next time.

They let their actions speak louder than their words. No excuses, just results.

The Best Characters dare to dream.

While others live the mundane and settle into a life they never bargained for, a rut, the Best dream of a better life. And then they take the risks necessary to achieve their dreams.

Must you be the best at what you do?

Nothing really significant gets done in life until you find what you must do, not what you want to do, not what you need to do, not what you would like to do.

You get real inspired when you find the character inside you to do what you must do.

Take inventory on the above characteristics and then start moving to bring your life in line with the characteristics of the ‘Best’.

12 Character Building Affirmation

1.    I love the thought that I do what must to be done even when it’s difficult.
2.    I love the thought that I take responsibility for my choices, my actions and my consequences.
3.    I love the thought that I know why I do what I must do.
4.    I love the thought that I must be honest and true to my word, both to myself and to others.
5.    I love the thought that I know my strengths and work from them.
6.    I have decided that I know my weaknesses even better, and I avoid feeding into them.
7.    I love the decision that I now recognize my choices and use them wisely.
8.    I love the thought that I have developed my self-discipline and know how not to overdo it.
9.    I love the thought that I have developed the ability to luxuriate.
10.  I know when it's time to stop, and I am able to stop.
11.  I love the thought that I know the difference between what I want and what I need.
12.  I love the thought that I have clearly defined boundaries and I give equal value and weight to those of others.

"Watch your thoughts, they become words; watch your words, they become actions; watch your actions, they become habits; watch your habits, they become character; watch your character, for it becomes your destiny."
— Frank Outlaw

Become More Referable - Expect A Positive Outcome

In the past, I often unwittingly sabotaged my own success.

I would do this with positive intent to protect myself from fear, pain or disappointment.

I would do an outstanding job for a client and they would say, “Great job, Joe” and I would say, “It was nothing.”

I would choose not to ask for a referral at that moment to protect myself from being rejected.

I wanted referrals, but I was working against my own efforts due to a hidden belief that said I don't deserve success.

To see if this is true for you, look at your life.

Do you find that you stop at a certain level of success?

Do you have an internal thermostat that causes you to cool down whenever you go beyond your comfort zone?

This is because you subconsciously won’t allow yourself to have any more than you think you deserve.

I am living proof that you can change what you believe.

I know that you can reprogram your brain. You can erase the past and create a much bigger future.

The first step is to admit that you have limiting beliefs that are holding you back from being the highest version of yourself.

Awareness creates its’ own momentum.

Go For it

Becoming Highly Referable Is All About Progress Not Perfection

My name is Joe Stumpf and I am a recovering perfectionist.

Hi Joe.

I am over-qualified to write this message to you today. Do you have any part of you that is a perfectionist?

If you’re like me, most procrastinators don’t think of themselves as perfectionists.

"If I’m a perfectionist, I would get things done," I say.

Not necessarily.

For me, perfectionism leads to a 'starts and spurts' performance, meaning that I can go on a cleaning spree or attack a task with great energy, and then slump back in exhaustion after having exasperated, irritated or alienated everyone around me.

I have also recently come to learn that my perfectionism is strongly related to depression and an extremely critical spirit.

Perfectionism is a form of rigidity or inflexibility that is marked by three major characteristics:

1. The intense desire to jump in and do things yourself because others just can’t do it right.
2. The insistent attitude that you won’t even start on something if you can’t do it well.
3. The profound need for closure indicated by agitation or discomfort should something be left 'hanging'.

Each of these characteristics 'drives' the perfectionist to procrastinate.

For perfectionist procrastinators, the first step in dealing with procrastination is acknowledging and disliking these three basic tendencies.

My first step in recovery was to admit that my perfectionism was stunting my personal and professional growth; that my desire to always make my future bigger then my past would require that I embrace a new attitude called 'progress, not perfection'.

As a result of this new mindset, I get more done in a day then I did in a week.

Go For It – that is, progress, not perfection.

10,000 Page Views in 65 Days

Good morning,

Amazing!

joesjournal.com just had it's 10,190 page viewed.

Imagine that in only 65 days!

What do you think the reason so many people world-wide are reading joesjournal daily?

I would love to hear your comments.

Joe Stumpf

What Makes A Super Servant Is Highly Referable

Use these seven powerful distinctions between Super Star and Super Servant on both the personal and business level, as a guide in creating the life you want.

1. Character vs. Persona

Character is our true essence.

Persona is our false sense of ourselves. Persona is temporary, while character is lasting.

When you align your true essence with the 'self' you project to the world, then you demonstrate character.

Our character is why others refer us to people they care about. If you prefer to spend your time in relationships, rather than on deals, you build a business based on character. People will do business with you because of what you offer.

People will refer business to you because of who you are inside

2. Service vs. Sales

To be of service is to seek joy in adding value to other people’s lives.

To sell is to conquer. The focus in selling is on getting the outcome you want, while the focus of serving is to find the outcome that is best for all.

The unconscious salesperson sells people what everyone else is selling.

The conscious consultant provides what the client wants. Your service becomes a system that creates referrals.

3. Commitment vs. Obsession

A commitment is a mission to make a difference in your own life and the lives of others. An obsession is unresolved issues that you are trying to avoid by burying yourself in work.

Your power as a Servant Leader comes from your commitment to the client, not from an obsession to be #1.

Clients recognize the difference and gravitate to the service provider who demonstrates a healthier approach to life and business.

4. Relationships vs. Deals

Super Servants count relationships, not deals. They know that relationships are the key to building a long-term, stable business. Super Stars count deals and are always focused on the future numbers instead of their current clients.

Super Stars create what we call an 'Adrenaline Lifestyle' – constantly chasing deals at the expense of their clients, their family and their health.

An adrenaline lifestyle attracts others who constantly operate in a crisis mode. Super Servants attract a better caliber of client, who also value relationships and want to be treated like a person, not a number.

5. Values-driven vs. Competition-driven

Our personal values are those aspects that we authentically hold close to ourselves.

Discovering your true values, then orienting your life to express them consistently, is the true essence of BY REFERRAL ONLY.

When your values are clear, your decisions are easy. As a Super Servant, your commitment is to remain true to your values while you help your client express or discover theirs.

When you’re not clear about your values, your motivation is competition – a drive that is usually based in anger, hurt or fear.

Decisions are more difficult and relationship bridges are burned in your wake.

6. Trustworthy vs. Liked

Being trustworthy means you take risks to do what’s right. Being likeable means others take risks. The foundation of trust in business begins with the three referability rules:

1. Do what you say you will do.
2. Finish what you start.
3. Be on time.

To be likeable is to say whatever is convenient in the moment without being accountable for your promise. A trustworthy consultant is a promise maker and a promise keeper.

7. Growth vs. Recognition

The BY REFERRAL ONLY philosophy is that life is great; it’s just life situations that are sometimes not so great. We believe that inner peace is more vital than outer accomplishment.

You can receive recognition externally and still have low- or no self-worth internally.

We believe business growth is having a great life vs. a fancy lifestyle. The purpose of your business is to give you more life, not just to provide you with a method of making enough money to fund a lifestyle.

Super Servants seek to constantly elevate themselves to new levels and in doing so, achieve what is really important to them financially, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

You Get More Referrals When You Promise Nothing

Why do you make promises?

Are you constantly in a ‘promise and deliver’ mode?

I have noticed many agents and lenders feel that if they ‘don't’ or ‘can't’ promise, they won't have the motivation or structure to deliver consistently. They need self-imposed pressure to perform.

This turns promises into deadlines, so that keeping your word becomes necessary. Of course, you should keep your word, but most agents and lenders give it too readily.

Some of the people you know might think they need you to make promises, creating a dependency. This type of promise and deliver system will cause you grief and stress.

I have learned that when I stop promising anything at all, I end my performance anxiety.

Promising less provides freedom.

When you promise less than clients are asking for and reduce their expectations, you have room to maneuver and the freedom to deliver something different (not just more), than perhaps either you or the client was expecting.

You can create and invent.

For example, instead of telling your client you are doing a virtual tour on their property, just do it. When it is complete, email them a link and set up a phone consultation to show them what you did.

*****

Magic Words That Get Referrals

“Mr. and Mrs. Client, after I left your home, I started thinking what advanced marketing strategies I could apply to make sure the maximum number of prospects could see your home via the World Wide Web. So what I did was arrange a virtual tour of your home. My out of pocket expense is $150 and I believe it will be money well invested to help you reach your goals. Lets take a look at what the prospects will see.” Now show the tour.

******

Don’t Promise, Just Deliver

Rather than telling people what you can do for them, just be spontaneous and do something for them, without even offering to do it first.

Most people enjoy surprises and there's no delay or performance anxiety because there was no promise, just delivery.

When you tell them you’re going to do a virtual tour, now you must deliver beyond expectations. When you don’t tell them you are doing it and you do it, you deliver beyond expectations. The easiest way to get a referral is to deliver beyond the clients expectations, then ask for a referral using our Power Referral Dialogue.

The more pleasantly surprised people are, the more their voices will sing your praises.

That’s right.

You have heard me say under-promise and over-deliver. This is what I mean.

When you focus on delivering because you enjoy it, instead of delivering because you promised to, you are fed by joy instead of fear.

You're working from peace of mind, instead of striving to meet targets.

Can you realistically promise nothing and still be successful?

Yes, but you may need to start by under-promising and over-delivering.

The gap between these two is pure profit -- not just financially, but also in good reputation and self-esteem.

People think more of you when you deliver far more (of what they want) than they were expecting. That gap starts people talking.

If you delivered even the same amount, but had promised or over-promised it at the outset, the recipients would equally benefit, but they wouldn't be as impressed and they wouldn't talk about you.

This is a key distinction for anyone in business who wants to build a strong reputation quickly.

Promise almost nothing to your clients (just enough to close the sale), but then begin the engine of over-delivering.

Every time you over-deliver, you build up a reserve of self-confidence, self-esteem and referrals.

How Do You Know You Have Killer Consulting Skills?

Good Morning… it’s about 5am in San Diego.

Another wonderful day in paradise.

In about 3 hours, I will be going down to the ballroom to train 650 people just like you -- people who want to make a difference in other people’s lives.

But right now, I’m beginning preparation for our newest training. It’s our first ‘Member Only’ event.

You may or may not know, that on October 24th, 25th and 26th, we are conducting our first ‘Continuing Quest for Excellence Training: The Strategic Forum’.

What is most exciting is on day one, I will lead a session on advanced consulting, negotiating and overseeing the transactional detail.

As I was thinking about what I wanted to train on, I looked back into some of my journals and found a very valuable list of skills Thomas Leonard gave to me. Thomas was the founder of CoachU.com. He has passed on, but what he left behind lives on.

If you have been reading joesjournal.com regularly, you know I love words.

I love to teach and train agents and lenders to make money with their words.

Actually, what I train agents and lenders to do better than anyone else, is how to get their mind, heart and hands connected to their tongue.

I believe the most competitive thing you can learn is how to be a superior communicator.

It is a skill that is learned, not something you’re born with.

Have some fun now and take a look at this list of 10 advanced communication skills, then imagine attending our By Referral Only Strategic Forum.

What would it feel like to have the practical applications, along with all the scripting, to make your wildest dreams come true?

Try this. Grade yourself on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being low and 10 being high, on each of these skills. Then imagine what it would feel like to be a ten in all ten.

You Know How People Hear You.
You are so fully responsible for how you are heard that you feel/get the responses and reactions that the person with whom you are communicating is experiencing. You do more than just speak well. You ask people to tell you what they heard you say, so you can make sure you are communicating clearly.

What You Say Fits Perfectly.
You don't make points just to make points.  Instead, you feel what the other person needs to hear right then and you intuitively phrase the perfect thing to say. You do more than just ‘speak your truth’. To say that ‘it fits’ means it is true, useful and timely.

Everything You Say Expands A Person’s Awareness.
When you respond or give advice, the advice you give speaks both to the client's current situation or problem, but also expands their awareness without overwhelming them. You do more than just give good advice.

You Have a Highly Flexible Style.
You have access to the full range of communication styles, tones of voice, and can immediately move along the continuum in a way that serves the person you're communicating with.

You do more than just ‘be’ your personality. You can be a curious consultant, a pit bull negotiator and observant overseer of the transaction.

You’re a Weaver.
You can remember what a client has said 10 minutes ago and weave in the point you are making right now to include that, and to include what they said the last time you spoke with them.

You do more than respond to what the client is saying. You know the FORD conversation style trained at By Referral Only.

You’re Not Driven To Talk or Help.
You naturally seek to understand far more than needing to advise. You do more than try to make a difference.

You Don’t Babble; You’re Not Know as a Talker.
You speak very little, but when you do, it makes so much sense. You do more than talk. You give profound, insightful advice and ask thought-provoking questions.

You Have A Special Style.
You are warm and inclusive, but not effusive or loud.  You are not flat or charged-up. You do more than speak clearly. You speak the truth.

You Can Listen and Speak At The Same Time.You are so able to immediately hear when the other person has heard what you're talking about, that you instantly stop speaking and get that they got it. You do more than complete a sentence.

You’re Not Trying To Get Your Needs Met.
You add to the space instead of consuming or displacing it. You do more than try to be special.

Go ahead; give yourself a grade in these areas.

Then click here to find out about the Strategic Forum.

Inspired By Adding Value To Your Life

Joe

Imagine Advancing Your Language Skills to a New Level of Competency!

Good morning…

Because I'm getting ready for the big San Diego Main Event this week I got up extra early today and started pulling through some of my old journals. I love to add new content to each Main Event to keep you fresh!

Anyway I came across these 10 communication ideas that I presented at a Mastery class about 4 years ago.

You may or may not know I have been spending more time during the Main Events training you on language skills, that is why I thought what a great time to post this at joesjournal.com.

What's it feel like to imagine advancing your language skills to a new level of competency.

Here is a good start. These are ten distinctions on what a skilled advanced consultant understands about the power of language.

Study it and if you have questions, let me know in the comment section.

Phrasing vs. Vocabulary
Vocabulary has to do with the number and quality of the words we use to communicate. 
Phrasing is the ability to communicate ideas and deeper concepts.
An example of a great phrase would be; " I will represent your money like it is mine, and when it comes to to make you money or save you money I'm like a pit bull".

How Well You Come Across vs. What You Are Saying
How well you come across is as important as what you are saying.
Your tone of voice, pace, authenticity, energy, style and attitude matter.
Many folks try to have better things to say, but until they work on how they come across, they are less likely to be listened to.

Experiencing vs. Listening to the Other Person
Listening is a fairly passive process. 
They talk, you listen.
There is a level beyond listening and it is called experiencing the other person.
When you ‘feel’ or sense what they are saying, not saying and what's going on over there, over here and in between, then you're truly listening because you are noticing and absorbing the entire interaction, not just the words.

Synthesizes vs. Mimics/Repeats
You know how some people speak in cliches or platitudes?  Or that they say the same thing to everyone they chat with?  They are called mimics or repeaters.They learn a good phrase and they use it!
Better to be prompted to say something based on whom you are talking with.
Let them influence you and evoke a customized vs. a stock response.

Awareness vs. Ignorance
This is pretty obvious.  But you'll need to understand if the person you're speaking with is someone who even knows what awareness is or is sensitive to their environment.
If not, then adapt how you communicate to fit them, because they likely won't hear your more sophisticated approach.

Full Communicator vs. Appropriate
It's important to say all that needs to be said, yet say it appropriately.
This is quite different from saying only what's appropriate to say.  Again, say what there is to say and find an appropriate way to say it.
Don't hide behind the ‘appropriateness curtain’.

English vs. Jargon
English refers to using simple words to make your point.
Jargon refers to using special or sophisticated words to make your point.  Keep your jargon for use between similarly trained colleagues and be sensitive enough to adapt the jargon to English when working with clients or the public.
You can effortlessly switch from one to the other, if you're willing to. For example, you would not tell your clients they are about to ‘Go Green’ -- that is By Referral Only jargon.

Who vs. What
Consulting focuses on the who and the what.  The ‘who’ refers to the client's values, innermost wants, and the complete self.
The what’ refers to linear goals, shoulds and needs.  The typical salesperson works primarily on the what and so can the consultant, but only if the consultant comes from the who first.

Fully Respond vs. Partially Respond
When someone says something to you that rings true (whether you like it or not), take the time to really listen and discuss it.
Learn in that moment what there is to learn; don't just hear it, deflect it and figure you'll get it later.
Take the time to learn now.

Light vs. Significant
Do you come across light or heavy?
Do things matter a LOT to you or do you have faith?
Light speakers are listened to because what they are saying has little packaging or baggage.

What Are Your Clients Really Thinking

Sue Kalou included this survey with a recent client newsletter. This highly effective strategy gives her accurate feedback on how her past clients really feel about their real estate transaction.

Sue is on a quest to find out what qualities are most important to her clients, so that she can better understand their wants and needs.

As a result of this survey, Sue will gain a much better understanding from her past clients and from others on her mailing list about what their past experience was, and what they feel is truly important. To boost response, Sue offers a free ice cream at Baskin-Robbins as a reward for taking the time to fill out and mail in the survey.

How To Let Go Of People Who Drive You Nuts!

Maybe you’ve heard me tell the story about the man who traveled a long way to spend a lot of money and invest a lot of time to learn how to catch monkey?

It was important for him to learn this life lesson, because he wanted to prove to himself, that he was willing to do whatever it took to achieve his goals.

He was also willing to let go of all the things he was hanging on to that was holding him back from achieving his goals.

Along the way, the man met a local expert who was skilled at the art of monkey catching.

He explained, “The easiest, most cost effective way to catch a monkey is to take a long stem Coke bottle and put a macadamia nut inside."

The man thought to himself how silly, but as the expert continued to show him, he changed his mind and thought this might be easier than he thought.

The expert showed him all he had to do was tie a rope around the bottom of the bottle and attach the other end of the rope securely to a nearby tree. It was important the rope was securely tied to the tree.

Then he set the bottle on its' side with the nut resting on the bottom.

To his surprise, sure enough, he watched a monkey walk up to the Coke bottle. He then watched the monkey smell the nut and get very excited about his future, favorite snack.

The monkey then forced its' hand into the bottle and grabbed the nut. He then tried to yank his hand out while gripping the nut.

What the man saw next absolutely amazed him.

Because the monkey had made a fist, it was now too large to get out of the thin neck bottle.

What he witnessed next was even stranger. The monkey would not let go of the nut. He just sat there trying to get his hand out, without the willingness just to let go of the nut.

The monkey was willing to die on the jungle floor, because it was not willing to let go of the nut.

I wonder what you get from that story.

Some people say it’s a simple point -- some people are nuts, and you must be willing to learn to let them go, because if you choose to hang on to them, they will drive you nuts!

I like that interpretation too, don’t you?

Imagine having the guts, the courage and the self-esteem, to just practice the willingness to let go of the people who are driving you nuts.

Of course, when I say people who are 'driving you nuts', I’m referring to the people who are not 'five-star prospects'.

Maybe you've seen my description of the ideal people to work with, maybe not. I call them 'five-star prospects'.

Here is a quick refresher:

1. They are people open to having a dialogue about what is important to them. They fully disclose all their financial history and are willing to answer fully and honestly all the questions they are asked.

2. They are friendly people. They respect that you work on a contingent basis and honor the fact that you are risking your time as much as they are risking their selection in you to represent their best interest.

3. They are people who know what they want. They have considered their options. If they are buying, selling or borrowing, they are looking for you to guide them, direct them and protect them. They want you to ask them questions, negotiate for them, and oversee all the details. They fully delegate to your expertise.

4. They are people who are clear that they are motivated to act on their dreams and goals now. They are focused on making things happen within the next 6 months or sooner.

5. They are people willing to commit to you and only you. They are empowered by your commitment to make their dream come true and commit their loyalty to you and your efforts.

So here is great lesson today on how to gracefully disengage from people who you chose not to work with.

Imagine using the following dialogue to release those people you simply don’t want to have a relationship with.

Reading the following statement 3 or 4 times will help you loosen your grip on the people you really need to let go of, so you have time to find the people you really should be working with.

*****

Magic Words That Get Referrals

“Mr./Mrs. Client, I told you I was going to ask you a few questions and listen carefully to how you would answer them, and based on your answers I would let you know if I was the right consultant to serve you. Based on what you have shared with me, I will not be the right consultant to serve you. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to serve you. I wish you the best of success in your home buying/selling/borrowing experience."

*****

Isn’t it nice to learn how to gracefully disengage from the people you choose not to work with?

You can easily release them. You can just let them go.

Go ahead and smile.

Feel good while you practice opening your hand and letting go, because you have just been given permission to not work with the people who might drive you nuts.

Try this today. 

Expect Referrals Script

Click, Listen and Learn

I was looking through some of my old journals last night. I found this gem from September, 1993.

It was an entry I made right after I met Jay Abraham. Jay introduced me to an Australian dentist named Paddy Lund.

Someday, I will tell you the Jay Abraham story and the full Paddy Lund story. For now, I want you to benefit from this great referral dialogue.

Paddy told us how he grew his dental practice to be one of the largest in his country with a simple shift in attitude.

His shift was one of hoping people would provide referrals, to making it an expectation that his patients would refer someone to him.

Here is a referral dialogue I found in my journal dated 09/12/93.

*****

Magic Words That Get Referrals

Mr. and Mrs. Client, my purpose is for you to be so outrageously happy with the level of service I provide you, that you will gladly refer two people to me before your transaction is closed.

--or--

I know you are going to be so thrilled with how we will serve you, that part of your responsibility in this relationship is for you refer at least 2 people to me who would like to do exactly what you’re doing.

*****
Do you have the courage to speak into existence your desire?

I have taught this dialogue to thousands of agents and lenders.

Now, you be the judge.

Go For It!

The Number One Reason You Don’t Ask For Referrals Regularly

It’s simple.

You were never trained to ask for referrals and as a result, you never do it regularly.

I'm not going to tell you asking for referrals is a skill because you've have already discovered that.

What I will tell you, is it's like playing golf or playing the piano, it’s a learned skill. This is good news because it means that the more you practice, and the better coaching you get, the better you get at the skill.

Listen to this because it’s interesting.

Maybe you knew or maybe not, that highest paid people are actors and athletes. You’ve heard me say that, haven't you? But why are they the highest paid?

I imagine it's because they practice their skill more than any other professional, wouldn't you agree with that?

Stop and think about another key distinction. Consider the the difference between fear and excitement.

The key distinction is skill, is it not?

If you’ve ever snow skied, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Imagine standing on top of that mountain looking down at that double diamond run, and because you have the skill, you want to race down that double diamond with lots of excitement, yahooo!

Now imagine you're standing on top of that hill and you're looking down at those double diamonds and your skill level is only ready for the bunny hill. Can you feel the cold chill of fear running through your veins that freezes you dead in your tracks?

If you’ve skied, you know this is true.

If you have skill, you’re excited.

If you don’t have skill, you feel fear.

Imagine the same is true when it’s time to ask for referrals, because if you don’t have the skill, you lock up. If you have the skill, you fluidly ask for referrals.

The sooner you learn the skill of asking for referrals, the sooner you’ll be more excited about business, about helping others and about your career. And the best way to become skilled and effective at asking for referrals (or anything), is through practice. Whether it’s managing a business, ice-skating, networking, writing or cooking, the way you get better is to spend a significant amount of time doing it.

Sometimes we like to think that there’s a secret that makes people effective at what they do. And if we could just acquire those inside secrets, we’d be stunningly successful.

Certainly there are many things you can learn from those who are more experienced. Yet there are no secret techniques, no inside information that can take the place of practice.

The mind, body and spirit are amazingly adaptive. Anything you do often enough, you will learn to do well.

There is no secret. It’s plainly obvious.

Instead of looking for the secret technique, just get busy and get some good, solid, real-world experience. Then you’ll have the ultimate in 'inside information'.

What you do with the skills you learn from By Referral Only, can make the difference between earning $100,000 a year and earning a million dollars a year.

And that’s exciting!

So, the first step in overcoming your resistance to asking for referrals, is to start asking for referrals over and over and over.

It doesn’t matter how you ask, just ask.

You have to ask!

Go For It!

"Who’s the Next Person You Know..."

When you’re talking to a client, or a friend, or a family member, and your conversation is almost complete, ask this powerful question.

*****
Magic Words That Get Referrals

Shawn: "Okay Joe, thanks for calling me. Have a great day." And I say, "Thank you, Shawn. Oh, by the way, I was wondering – who’s the next person you know that is most likely to buy, sell or borrow?"

*****

That’s very powerful.
The secret to this strategy is in the transition words, "Oh, by the way." Those words, "Oh, by the way," are very similar to what the detective Colombo might do.
Do you remember the TV show Colombo?

After saying, "Oh, by the way," the next words are critical. "Who is the next person you know that is most likely to buy, sell or borrow?"

I remember when I was having lunch with a high producing, By Referral Only Super Servant in 1994. We were practicing this strategy in a restaurant with the waiter and the waitress, and I demonstrated the wrong way to ask, and then I gave them the right way to ask. (By the way, this is how I have fun and keep my sanity when I’m on the road. I practice my techniques on every waiter and waitress!).

The first waiter walked in and I said, "Oh, by the way, do you know anyone who wants to buy or sell a house?" And the waiter said, "No, I don’t." We laughed a little bit and I said,

"Now, watch what I do next time." And I encouraged everyone at the table to listen to the subtle way that I changed a few words. And I promised them that they would witness a huge difference in the way that the next waiter or waitress responded.

A few moments later, a waitress walked over to our table and I asked for a cup of coffee. This was the first time she’d come over. She poured me a cup of coffee and told me that she was going to return to the kitchen.

And I said, "Oh, by the way," and she turned to me and made real good, clear eye contact. And I firmly said, "The people at this table are some of the best real estate agents and lenders in the entire Dayton, Ohio area. And we were wondering who is the next person you know that is most likely to sell their home?"

And the waitress paused and looked up to the left, as if she was searching her memory bank for a name, and then responded,

"The next person I know that would most likely be… that would be my father. He’ll be retiring soon and he’s been saying for years that he wanted to sell his house."

Everybody at the lunch table just gasped. Again, the keywords are, "Who is the next person you know that is most likely to buy, sell or borrow?"

These words are so powerful. I hope you polish and perfect them and practice and drill and rehearse them.

Go for it!

Take The Referral Challenge - Right Now!

Take a piece of paper and draw a vertical line down the center.

On the left side, write the word ‘Referral’. 

On the right side, write the word ‘Un-referred’. 

On the left side, make a list of the last five people you served, that were direct referrals.

Lenders, in your case, I want you to think of referrals not from real estate agents, but from clients. 

On the right side of the page, under the heading ‘Un-referred’, make a list of the last five people you worked with who came from advertising, flyers, rate calls, your Automatic Prospecting System, websites, direct response marketing – any type of marketing where you had to spend money to attract someone you didn’t know.

Now, make a check mark next to each ‘Referral’ name or ‘Un-referred’ name that best describes the clients in the ten questions.

1.    Which clients were most profitable?
2.    Which clients did you really enjoy following up with?
3.    Which clients treated you more like a trusted advisor versus a salesperson?
4.    Which clients have already referred others to you?
5.    Which clients respected your personal time most?
6.    Which clients would you invite to your home for dinner with your family?
7.    Which clients took the least amount of time to serve?
8.    Which clients thanked you sincerely for what you did for them?
9.    Which clients listened most intensely and took your advice most readily?
10.    Which clients do you share similar values with?

If you’re like thousands of lenders and agents all over North America, more than likely, the clients you favor most come from the referral side. 

There may be an exception or two, but that’s exactly what it is – the exception. When you work with people who are referred, you get people who:
•    Pay you what you are worth.
•    Make working with you a pleasurable experience. 
•    Trust you. 
•    Refer you. 
•    Respect you. 
•    Thank you. 
•    Listen to you. 
•    And they share your same values. 

I would say those are some darn good reasons to work By Referral Only!

Wouldn't you?

What Is It Like To Be Highly Approachable?

What is it like when you imagine how you naturally act when you meet people for the very first time?

How do you know when you’re trying too hard to get people to like you?

What feeling do you have inside when you’re trying to be approachable, and yet the person you’re with is not responding to your style?

Has that ever happened to you?

You were approachable and they were not?

Maybe or maybe not what you did was tried harder to be more approachable, and it just created more distance between you and them.

How would you like to know how to get people to be equally as approachable as you are during your first meeting?

I don’t know if you have been to The Main Event 3-day training, or if you enrolled to go our San Diego event, or a future date -- either way, it’s a good thing for you to do!

On day two, I teach that before you can establish approachability, you must first establish credibility.

How would it feel to have the language skills both verbal and bodily, to create instant credibility, because that is what makes the difference between the pros and the amateurs?

So if you’re ready to turn pro, here is the first of my "100 Laws of Referability".

Referability Law #1 -- Slow To Smile

I am not going to ask you not to smile when you meet people, because conventional wisdom says be quick to smile. But being referable is about being unconventional.

Do you know the difference between credibility and approachability?

Has anyone ever tried to approach you with advice before he established his credibility?

I would call that a ‘traditionally trained salesperson’. When traditionally trained salespeople first make eye contact with a person, they flash a smile - often a nervous, unauthentic one at that.

They are attempting to get approachability.

What I teach is that you cannot have approachability, until you have credibility.

When you first meet a person in the role of consultant, you are in ‘presentations’ mode.

The person who is meeting you is unconsciously deciding if he feels safe with you and wondering if you really know what you are doing. He wants to know that you can represent them and their best interest.

Be firm with your eye contact.

Hold it.

Breathe, count to 5, and then smile.

The smile says that you are now open for a relationship.

The traditional salesperson is floundering around with a keyboard size smile saying, “I will work with anyone.”

The referable consultant knows credibility before approachability.

See Tom and Sally Cooks New Blog

Here is a great example of how to use your Real Estate or Lending blog. Check out how Tom and Sally Cook are communicationg with their local market.

Why Can't You See Real Estate Signs At Night?

It's pretty simple... often, there is no street light right where you'd like it and running a spotlight and extension cord from the house seems pretty crude.

I've often given some thought as to how to light up my For Sale signs at night to give my Toronto Real Estate seller clients more exposure for their homes and to make it obvious to people driving by after dusk, that there are full-color feature sheets mounted in a box on that signpost.

Finally, there seems to be a solution... a California company recently came up with a portable lighting system that sits up on the top of the sign and has two LED light arms extending out to both sides of the sign.

I just installed the first three of them last night... what do you think?

There's a bit of ongoing 'battery' maintenance with them but I think the result is terrific.

What Is The Best Way For You To Develop ‘The Referral Reflex’?

As you can imagine, getting referrals is about using the right words at the right time in the right way.

If you have read the last 51 postings, then you have noticed that my unique ability is language, specifically, referral language.

Because I know how to speak in a way and teach in a way that gets referrals, it’s safe for you to say, “Joe Stumpf wants me to get more referrals and he can show me exactly how. All I need to do is be coachable and willing to learn what he knows.”

So listen.

The only toolbox you have is your words. Open your mouth and you open up your toolbox. Isn’t it nice to know you have a toolbox and all have to do is learn how to use the tools inside it?

Here is my secret to internalizing my Power Referral Dialogues.

The difference between the pro and the amateur is something I call, ‘The Referral Reflex’. The Referral Reflex starts to work automatically after 21 repetitions.

Imagine you want to learn the following hypnotic referral suggestion. When a person compliments you on the nice job you have done for them, you plant a hypnotic referral suggestion.

*****
Magic Words That Get Referrals

Client: “Great job, Tom!”

You: “Thanks for noticing. I am sure I could count on you to do the same for me if I were your client and you were my agent, and because you know how important your referrals are to my business, I am sure I can count on you to refer me to the people you care about.”

*****
In the future blogs, I will show you how to embed commands and display them in orange.

Now be silent. Let that go inside their brain and watch and listen to how your client responds. It’s next to magical!

Now make that a reflex.

Write it out in your journal.
Read it out loud.
Then say it without looking at it.
Then read it out loud.
Then say it with looking at it.

Repeat that cycle 21 times and you will cut a new, neuro network in your brain, so when a person says “Great job!” you won’t think, you will just reflex.

Thanks for noticing. I am sure I could count on you to do the same for me if I were your client and you were my agent, and because you know how important your referrals are to my business, I am sure I can count on you to refer me to the people you care about.

Let’s Get A Referral Today!

How To Get Past My Fear Of Asking

If You Had To Teach Me How To Get Past My Fear Of Asking For Referrals, How Would You Do It?

If you’re like me, you want to be accepted.

I believe that is at the core of most of us.

I want you to accept me.

I want you to like me. Now I don’t need you to like me, but I don’t want you to reject me either.

Have you noticed that an easy way to get people to accept you and not reject you, is just to avoid asking for anything?

Experts have told me that that is the little child in us. Maybe it’s the 10-year old girl or boy in you, who learned early, that you risk rejection when you put yourself in the position of asking someone for something.

If there was a miracle tonight and you no longer feared asking for referrals, how would you know?

Would you recognize that your child has grown up, because you would know real estate and lending is an adult business?

What would it feel like if you knew that, when you ask for a referral and the person says they don’t know anyone, they’re not saying they don’t know anyone forever?

They’re saying, “I don’t know anyone right now.”

What’s it feel like to know it’s not a personal attack or rejection?

Along with the Power Referral Dialogues taught at By Referral Only, you may have to do some inner work along with the outer work of implementing systems and strategies.

Try this.

Today, focus on gaining your acceptance from yourself, not from others.

Notice that growing your confidence and self-esteem, is a lot of little victories over a long period of time, which add to an internal bank account.

Eventually, you’ll take bigger risks because you’ve got something to withdraw from.

The fastest way to drain your confidence account is to set unrealistic outcome goals.

What’s important is to not get attached to the outcome when you ask for a referral. Instead, attach yourself to changing your behavior around asking.

The behavior of planting a referral seed or asking for a referral is what you call victory.

Let the victory be about the behavior and not about the results.

If you work on your behavior, the results will follow.

Here is a quick bonus script when someone says they don’t know anyone.

*****
Magic Words That Get Referrals

“I don’t know anyone.”

“Thank you for taking the time to think about it. The next time you are in a conversation with someone and they mention they are looking to buy a larger, more spacious home, please don’t keep me a secret.”

“Would you be comfortable if I check back with you in a few months to see if anyone comes to mind?”

*****

One more thing.

You can do this, because thousands of agents and lenders all over North America are using my Power Referral Dialogues very successfully to build high, six-figure referral businesses and you can too.

Check out all the new systems we have at By Referral Only to guide you toward your six-figure income.

I'm Just Wondering, Wondering Out Loud!

Last night I went to a late movie, 'The Da Vinci Code'.

As I got out of my car, I noticed this cart in the area adjacent to the parking lot.

I had to take pictures of it because, it is an example of the complete opposite of what I teach.

I am sure this agent is a terrific person and more than likely a great agent.

Maybe you're like me and you see these cart ads in almost every city you go. What I am wondering, is what is the cost of this marketing? Do you ever wonder about that?

I am also wondering if the people who do this type of marketing spend as much of their marketing dollars on their friends, family and past clients, as they do on their carts.

I am just wondering -- wondering out loud!

What Will It Be Like When The Purpose of Your Business Is Referral?

Good Morning, (just discovered color).

Just the other day I heard a person say, "A referral is when GOOD people, send GOOD people, to GOOD people."

That sure is a nice way to say it, is it not?

On another note.

I’m curious -- what does the word ‘purpose’ mean to you?

Maybe have you noticed the recent flood of new books, The Purpose Driven Life, The Purpose Driven Person, How To Stay On Purpose, What Is Your Life Purpose, Why You Need A Purpose and The Nobel Purpose.

Do you think the publishing world is saying people do better when they have a clear purpose?

What I have discovered from each of these great books, is that the authors provide exhaustive research to prove that the most fulfilled people, the ones who have the highest self esteem, the ones that reach their goals consistently, and the ones that love what they do, all have taken the time to wordsmith their life purpose.

You, like me, know when you meet a person who radiates with happiness, success and freedom that they are clear on their purpose.

Maybe you can feel their glow, see the flow and hear how functional they are.

By now you know that I have helped thousands of agents and lenders clarify their purpose. Actually, I have helped them wordsmith it with one word!

Referral.

Do you believe, like me, that you are in business to create such a great experience for others that they respect you so deeply, that they introduce you to the people in their lives that they care about most?

If you believe that referral is your purpose, then you must declare it.

You must speak to it.

Try this.

The next time you meet in person or on the phone with a prospect for the first time, clearly communicate your purpose first.

*****

Magic Words That Get Referrals

“Before I answer all of your questions, it's important you know that when you choose me to be your consultant, my purpose is for you to be so outrageously happy with the level of service I provide you, that you gladly refer 2 people to me before your transaction is closed.”

*****

What's it feel like to be on purpose?

Hurray for us...because you have been telling so many people about joesjournal.com, yesterday 451 people visited us for the first time.

Thank you for all the GOOD things you are saying about joesjournal!

Do it now!

Consultant.Negotiator.Overseer of the Transactional Details.

Can you imagine people being five times more interested in what you have to say?

I wouldn’t tell you that it’s essential that you improve your ability to get people more interested in what you’re saying unless it was true.

I don’t know if you have already begun to notice that people have more options then ever before when it comes time to sell their house, buy a house or borrow money.

Wouldn’t you agree with that fact?

In the days and weeks ahead, you will begin to notice if your language skills have the power to get people interested in you as their option, when it’s time to buy, sell or borrow.

How would it feel to have the exact language that causes people to choose you as their lender or agent, because when they listen to what you say, they know by your language skills, that you have so much more value to offer then any other option?

You would like that, would you not?

Again, think of what it would be like to have people five times more interested in what you have to say.

You are probably already aware of the fact that I have created “The Ideal 10 Step Presentation Consultation".

As you consider the benefits of learning “The 10 Step Presentation Consultation”, you might like to look at the posting “The 6th Step In The 10 Step Presentation Consultation”.

Because I am obsessed with teaching you how to get people five times more interested in what you are saying, I will show you the 7th step today. Eventually, you will come to my 3-day training called 'The Main Event', so you can get all 10 Steps and truly get people five times more interested in what you are saying.

Step 7 In The 10 Step Ideal Presentation Consultation

The 7th Step answers the question, “What do you do?” Your answer to this question determines how valuable you are to them. When people do not perceive your value, they ask you to reduce your fees or cut your commission. Has that ever happened to you? Imagine how good it will feel when you never hear people ask you to do that again.

I’d like to show you how the 7th Step works.

There are three roles you play in your client’s life as a lender or real estate agent.

Role 1. You’re their Consultant.
Role 2. You’re their Negotiator.
Role 3. You’re their Overseer of the Transactional Details.

With these three roles in mind, here are three scripts to describe what you do.

As you read through them, you may or may not know that all three scripts have been time tested and proven in the field by some of the best agents and lenders in North America, and that is important for you to know, is it not?

******
Magic Words That Get Referrals

1.  I am your Consultant.

As your consultant, I will ask you profound insightful questions.

Maybe you’ll notice they are the type of questions that the typical agent or lender might not ever take the risk of asking you.

Experience shows that a skilled consultant like me will ask you probing, intelligent questions because discovering what is really important to you, is really important to me.

It is important as your consultant, that I lead you through the process of clarifying your values, because when your values are clear, your decisions are easy and you want to make good, easy decisions, do you not?

You might also notice, consulting is listening vigilantly to your answers.

What you may not know, is that only when you have confirmed that I have heard you, then and only then, will I craft a very specific strategic process to make sure you get the best loan, best home or the best price for your home.

Also, as your consultant, one of the things I do for you is appropriately define the problems we encounter during our transaction because you need to differentiate essential objectives from less relevant concerns.

Experience also shows me how to anticipate likely obstacles to achieving your objectives and then identify sensible means to circumvent them.

Imagine how good you’ll feel knowing your consultant is recognizing and balancing the different needs of all the relevant people impacted by the decisions you make.

Listen carefully. As your consultant, I will recognize when serious flaws in my own ideas require my swift, public acknowledgement.

I make mistakes and I am willing to make dramatic changes in new directions when required.

I will consistently demonstrate my ability to recognize my own personal biases and I will use this awareness to constantly be improving my thinking, because it’s important to you that you realize your dreams.

2.  I am your Negotiator.

Because I treat your money like it is mine, when it is time to save you or make you money, I am like a 'Pit Bull'.

You, like me, know that money is an emotional issue and to represent your own self is like performing surgery on yourself. You would never do that, would you?

If being healthy is important to you, then you delegate that to a person you trust and respect.

Like me, you probably believe it’s in your best interest to have a skilled, experienced and focused negotiator on your team.

Imagine what it will be like to have a person who deals with your money, to critically examine the accuracy of the underlying assumptions being relied on.

While negotiating for you, I will skillfully articulate the strengths and weaknesses of the suggestions other agents or lenders propose.

Sooner or later, you will become aware that my negotiating skills alone are worth every penny you pay me.

Because, as your negotiator, I recognize the likely underlying agendas and motivations of individuals that are involved in your transaction.

You’ll also notice how quickly I anticipate the likely emotional reactions of individuals to actions or communications.

As your negotiator, I will appropriately articulate the essential flaws in the arguments of others, and reiterate the strengths of our positions.

I will recognize when it’s appropriate to resist the objection of others and remain committed to a sound course of action.

3.  I Oversee The Details

I oversee all the transactional details because every transition has 100 to 150 phone calls alone, and each one of them is loaded with critical details.

As you can imagine, every ‘I’ most be dotted and every ‘T’ must be crossed, because there are 100 pieces of paper requiring upward to 43 signatures and initials, and making a mistake can be very costly to you.

Did you know that there are 43 different people from 14 different industries that get involved during the 7 stages of your transaction?

Imagine that selling/buying/borrowing is like flying an airplane across the country. My role is to be your pilot and you are my passenger. We may or may not run into turbulence. Have you ever been a passenger in a plane? Have you ever been in turbulence? Then you know!

To make it easy for you to see everything that I do that you don’t see from the passenger seat, I created a list of 88 different types of turbulence. (Show list and explain 8 to 10 of them).

It’s good to have a pilot like me, because my role is to oversee all these details.

You will also notice that, as your pilot, I will always recognize what is known about an issue, what more needs to be known, and how to best obtain the relevant and accurate information needed.

As a matter of fact, one of my greatest skills is to see things from multiple perspectives so I can identify likely, unintended consequences of our decisions.

As the person who oversees all of the details on your transaction, I recognize the conclusions that can and cannot be drawn from a particular exchange with all the different people involved.

I will appropriately consider the probable effects and likely, unintended consequences that may result from taking a particular course of action.

As the person who oversees all of the details on your transaction, I will pursue and encourage feedback that may reveal an error in my judgment and then make appropriate adjustments.

*****

What’s It Like To Be Addicted To Hopium?

I wonder if you are aware that people get addicted to hopium.

You may or may not know, that hopium, is when people rely on hope more then they do on well, thought out, professionally written, Power Referral Dialogues.

By now, you know carefully crafted Power Referral Dialogues are what grows your referral business, expands your wealth and creates unstoppable confidence, not hope.

When it comes time to build a referral business, hope is a lousy strategy.

Maybe you know someone who takes large doses of hopium daily?

I am not telling you that you are taking hopium, only you know the truth. You will start to notice someone loaded on hopium just by listening to the way they talk about getting referrals.

They might say things like, “I hope they call me back,” or “I hope they refer someone to me,” or “I hope they tell their mom about me.”
“I hope the deal closes on Tuesday”, I hope, I hope, I hope…

You can relate, can you not?

We have all taken our share of referral hopium.

Because my intention with Joe’s Journal is to give you enough inspiration, organization, power referral dialogues and insight, which will assure you that you don’t end up in a Hopium halfway house.

People who want guaranteed referral success are getting coached at By Referral Only, because they want a deliberate and organized referral system, don’t you?

On a side note read, Hope is Not a Strategy, by Rick Page.

The title says it all.

When it comes to getting referrals, hope is a lousy strategy.

Because referral generating is an organized, deliberate and conscious effort, the single most important part of that strategy is your ability to speak referralease.

Don’t look up the word, you won’t find it.

I made it up. It is spelled correctly.

It means the language of referral.

If you’re on the golf course you speak golfease  - words like fore, birdie, bogie. On the tennis court you speak tennisease - words like love, net, deuce and so on.

When you choose to fully commit to building a By Referral Only business, you must learn the language of the game.

So, keep coming back everyday, and I’ll be speaking this magnificent new language, or just head over to By Referral Only and get your masters degree in referralease.

Oh, by the way, congratulations for kicking the hopium habit!

What Success Means To Me!

Imagine how good you will feel when you clearly define what success means to you!

A few weeks ago I got an interesting phone call from one of my long time By Referral Only coaching clients. Imagine having the same coach for 10 years -- that’s a genius level of commitment.

He asked me, ”Joe what do you think about helping me double the size of my company over the next year?”

I said, “Are you sure you want to double the size of your business?”

He said, “Yes”.

I said, “Are you sure enough to be unsure?”

He said, “What do you mean?”

I asked, “What happens when you imagine your business twice the size you are now, and how will being twice as large affect the wider scope of your entire life?”

Because I knew he was consistently selling 75 homes a year using the By Referral Only ‘Before /During/After Systems’ that he learned at the Main Event, I wanted to hear more.

One of the things I didn’t know was what was important about doubling the size of his company right now to him.

I asked him to close his eyes and go inside and imagine what it would be like selling 150 homes a year and look inside and see how that would affect his family, children, vacation time and profitability. Because he is coachable, he did it.

Then I told him the story of Thomas Leonard.

You may or may not know Thomas Leonard. He is the guy who started the coaching business movement about 10 years ago. He founded a company named Coachu.com and coachville.com.

Thomas and I talked a lot about success, what it was, what it wasn’t, and how critical it was to have your own personal definition of success.

Thomas believed that only after you had clearly defined a response to the statement “I know I am successful when I ________________”, could you make the decisions necessary for your success.

He encouraged everyone to have 10 answers to that question, so whenever you were struggling with what to do next in your life, just look at how you defined success.

Once you have written out your 10 definitions, you can then learn to make all of your decisions based on your own personal definition of success.

Here is the statement:

I know I am being successful when_____________________________.

Fill in the blank. Try it again. Do it 10 times.

I know I am being successful when______________________________.

You will notice just how good you start feeling as soon as you start writing your statements, because you know if you want to produce good results in your life, you first must feel good.

It makes me feel good sharing my top ten ways that I define success with you. Maybe you will want to feel good and share your top 10 with me.

Sooner or later you will want to do this and feel good about it, so why not do it right now!

10 Ways I Define Success For Me

1.    I know I am being successful when I am joyfully teaching what I am learning.

2.    I know I am being successful when the number of people who are impacted by my teaching/coaching is increasing daily.

3.    I know I am being successful when my writing and teaching is fully congruent with my behavior – when I’m walking my talk.

4.    I know I am being successful by how often I am feeling inspired and energized to create something new.

5.    I know I am being successful by how well I treat my body and mind.

6.    I know I am being successful when I watch my kids becoming positive, compassionate, spiritual, loving adults.

7.    I know I am being successful by how much time I laugh each day.

8.    I know I am being successful when I enjoy every single thing I do with my time.

9.    I know I am being successful when I demonstrate the courage to change the things in life I can, and demonstrate the wisdom to know what to leave alone.

So back to my coaching client, the person who wants me to help him double his business. I asked him to ponder this question; “What is important about doubling the size of your business?” His response, “To be successful.”

I then asked him to do for me what Thomas Leonard did for me 7 years ago. I asked him to come up with 10 fill-in-the-blank statements to this inquiry.

I know I am being successful when I_____________________________.

A week later I got a call from him. He said that as a result of redefining success, that he really was not interested in doubling the size of his business, but what he was going to focus on was more time with his spouse, save more money and laugh more.

I hung up the phone, looked up to the heavens and thanked Thomas.

Thomas passed a way a few years ago, but his profound work continues to impact lives through the lives of others.

Here Is My Number 10!

    10. I know I am being successful when I am looking down from heaven and my soul tingles with joy from the impact of the work that I have left behind.

I am curious if you have you ever taken the time to define success this way.

You can go to coachville.com and get some help with examples they provide.

It may or may not be the most important thing you can do – only you will know that after you’ve done it.

By taking the time to define success, I can now orient my life around my definition of success, not the mass media definition of success for me.

Go For It!

My 3 Worst Mistakes!

I've probably made hundreds of mistakes during the 24 years as we built By Referral Only into a caring community of professional service people.

I’d like to share with you the three worst mistakes, the ones from which I've learned the most. Perhaps you'll learn from them, too, without having to suffer the same pain that I have.

1. Believing That Chaos Is Creative.

Early in my business development, I believed a highly visible business guru who held that "thriving on chaos" was exactly what was needed. My job description at one time was to "put out fires" and I was always living with chaos.

Today, I believe much differently. "Chaos is a killer in business because it inhibits thought, negates planning, ruptures relationships, drains energy, and destroys morale. Far from being purposeful, chaos takes the eye off goals and objectives."

2. Keeping Both Eyes Constantly On The Competition.

This is one of the great ironies of American business. Previously, I was obsessed with what my fellow speakers were doing. I discovered I was becoming a second-rate follower.

I learned about 15 years ago that just because the competition is doing it doesn't make it smart, effective, or correct. Following the competition like a shadow only indicates a lack of conviction and self-confidence.

3. Believing That The Quick Payoff Is Better Than Making An Investment.

By Referral Only is committed to long-term capital improvements, like our website and coaching services. For a long time, all I had to offer was tapes. At first, my primary interest was in making tape sales, with no investment in the future and no commitment to the customer.

in 1991 we shifted to long-term relationships and building a community of life-long learners, I have watched many tape salesmen come and go. Fortunately, business declines and recessions weed these companies out, but By Referral Only is now in its 24th year of business.

So, there are the top three mistakes that have helped me grow. I suspect you have made some mistakes as well. Perhaps you are making them right now. Reflect on these errors I have made and avoid them in your business.

Please share your thoughts and any new awareness you gain after you reflect on them.

Just Interested In Taking Referrals?

Are You Committed To Being Referable Or Are You Just Interested In Taking Referrals?

What do you think the difference is between being interested in something vs. being committed to something?

Here are a few of my thoughts about being committed to the referral process instead of just being interested in taking referrals:

What is the difference between interest and commitment?

Think about the hobbies that interested you.

What comes to mind first?

Good.

Now, think of one thing in your life that you’re really committed to.

What comes to mind first?

Feel the difference between your interest and your commitment?

I imagine that the thing you are interested in doing is something you do when all the circumstances are perfect.

For example, I am interested in boogie boarding in the Pacific Ocean.

From my table, I can see 15 to 20 surfers and boarders who are enjoying the Southern California Surf at the Cardiff Reef.

When it comes to jumping in the ocean, whether or not I do it depends upon the circumstances. 

I am interested when the weather is 80 degrees, the ocean temperature is 70 degrees, plus a friend joins me.

Under these circumstances - Gong Ho, lets hit it!

Today the temperature is 68 degrees and the water is 54 degrees - not interested.

When I think of something I am committed to, Yoga comes to mind first.

I feel challenged and inspired at the same time.

Yoga is the most ancient form of meditation and fitness. It is the perfect blend of body, mind and spirit.

Yoga was brought to the United States in 1950’s by Paramahansa Yogananda.

He set up his Self Realization Fellowship (SRF) Temple here in Encinitas, California.

Today, Encinitas has more Yoga studios in a 5-mile radius than anywhere else in the United States. It is a Yoga Mecca.

I have been practicing Yoga since 1995.

I have a committed Yoga practice.

I Love Yoga

I keep track of all my Yoga on my Goal Board.

My goal in 2006 is complete 120, 90-minute classes.

I have organized my daily plan around attending one of the five different classes offered daily.

I practice at the oldest studio in Southern California called The Yoga Room in Encinitas, California.

The master teacher is Perry Ness.

Perry teaches a flow she calls “Synergy Yoga”.

It is a 90-minute class with 60 minutes of standing poses and 30 minutes of ground poses.

It concludes with a 10-minute silent meditation.

All this is done is a room where the temperature is 100 degrees and the humidly is 50 degree’s or higher.

Yes, it’s like a de-toxic center.

It keeps you young, vibrant, alive and full of vigor.

I actually bought my home in Cardiff By The Sea to be close to the Yoga Room; that is how committed I am.   

Can you feel my enthusiasm and excitement through my sharing this with you?

What you’re feeling is my commitment.

But what does surfing and yoga have to do with referrals?

What is more true for you?

Are referrals more like my boogie boarding or more like Yoga?

Are you interested in taking referrals?

If you are just interested, you will ask for them only when the circumstances permit.

Is it like me boarding when conditions are perfect?

But when you committed to referrals you become a student of the school of referrals.

You read, you study, you go to the Main Event at least once a year, and you build you life around doing business By Referral Only.

You make it the purpose of your business.

When you are committed to referrals you make it the reason you are in business.

You are committed to creating an experience so refreshing, so healthy, so joyful for your client that all they want to do is refer you to the people they care about because they feel your commitment to them.

When you are committed to getting referrals you build the step-by-step systems that have an automatic outcome called a referral.

You become masterful at Power Referral Dialouge – you speak referraleze.

I have been teaching referral marketing to real estate and mortgage professionals for a quarter of a century.

Over three quarters of a million people have attended one or more of my workshops, listened to my tapes or read joesjournal.com daily.

I can say with confidence that the biggest difference between being a highly referable real estate or mortgage consultant vs. taking referrals from time to time is the level of commitment you have towards building a referral business.

When I invited you to read my daily blog joesjournal.com, I told you I have a commitment to creating two or three new ideas, new thoughts new insights or new strategies on how to get more referrals, become more referable or just improve your thinking about referrals.

That is my commitment. I am just as excited about writing you daily as I am doing my Yoga.

I hear agents say, “Yeah, I would be interested in learning how to get more referrals.” Then I say, “Are you willing to make getting referrals the purpose of your business?”

Only when you commit to that purpose do you create extraordinary referral results.

Lunch With Brian Tracy

Click, Listen and Learn

I met Brian in 1985 when I was a promoting personal development seminars. I had the honor of hosting some of Brians first seminars in the United States. Over time we became freinds and because of his positive impact on my life we named my first daughter Traci.      

Recently we caught up at lunch. We compared career paths. I choose the path of building a coaching company and Brian choose the path of speaker and author.

Today I have one of the largest coaching companies in North America and Brian is the most read authors on the subject of personal and professional development.

Brian is the most focused determined individual I know. His capacity to create new thoughts is astonishing. He writes a book every 90 days. Imagine that! Every time I get together with Brian I get inspired and realize how much more I can get from myself to give to others.

This is the personal development program that turned my life around. If you are really serious about making lasting change in your life what Brian teaches in the Psychology of Achievement is timeless.
I listened to the program once a year to boost my selfestem, build a stronger positive self concept and develop my unshakable self-confidence. Brian taught me how to think like a successful person before I was successful. I learned that putting affirmations and visualizations to work, I will create whatever my mind desires.
If your ready to set super specific goals for your life listen to this course.

What Would It Be Like To Love The Process As Much As The Result?

What would it be like if you loved the process of getting referrals as much as you loved the result called a referral?

While golfing with a friend, he casually said, “I wish I could hit my irons like Tiger Woods”.

Without missing a beat I said, “No you don’t.”

He said, “What do you mean? Of course I would like to hit my irons long, high and straight just like Tiger does.”

My friend braced himself for a coaching moment.

I said, “ If you want to hit your iron shots like Tiger, then right now you must commit to hitting 1000 practice balls a day for the next 10 years and hire the best coaches in the world to make sure you’re practicing the right swing – then maybe you will hit your irons like Tiger.”

He chuckled and said, “ You’re right. I want the result but I don’t want to earn it”.

That’s a perfect way to look at building referable relationships.

The result of a highly referable relationship is a referral.

The result of years of practice shots is a great iron shot when it counts.

Are you like most people who produce mediocre referral results because you like the result more then you like the process?

The discipline of referral mastery is committing to become a genius in the process of referrals not just the glory of the result.

The process of getting a referral can be broken down to five steps.

Step 1. Plant Referral Seeds Frequently and Strategically
Step 2. Deliver A Remarkable Level of Service
Step 3. Orchestrate Referral Moments
Step 4. Ask for the Referrals Using Proven Formulas
Step 5. Follow Up with the Referred and the Referring

To find out more about how this strategic referral process works, go to By Referral Only and request a free over the phone consultation with a highly skilled referral coach.

It’s free – do it now!

Go For It!

5 Great Questions?

Click, Listen and Learn

What would it feel like to be a mature consultant?

When a referral opportunity appears, whatever happens next determines the maturity level of a consultant.

I've heard it said, "A typical underdeveloped, untrained immature salesperson has no gap between the opportunity and decision."

What the heck does that mean?

Here is a great example:

Client says, “I have a friend who is thinking about selling his home.” That is the opportunity.
The typical underdeveloped, untrained immature salesperson says, “ I can help him, what his name?”
That have already made a decision that they can help the person.

What does the mature By Referral Only consultant do differently?

The mature referable consultant has mastered using questions in-between the opportunity and decision.

Many of our graduates have said," I became aware of my maturity level when I was at the Main Event, because I learned how to ask more profound and insightful the questions in the referral moment."

Notice, in the next example, the mature consultant asks questions to determine what level of commitment they can make to the referring party.

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Magic Words That Get Referrals

For example:
Client says, “I have a friend who is thinking about selling his home.”
The opportunity.

The mature referable consultant says, “I don’t know if I can help your friend, but if I can ask you a few questions about your friend, I can listen to your answers, and if I am not the right consultant to serve them I will let you know. If I can help him, we can explore different ways to get the two of us into a conversation.”

Now the referable consultant has a series of questions.

The answers determine the decision he will make about serving the referred person.

Five Sample Questions

1.    Would you recommend my services to your friend?

2.    What would you say to him about me?

3.    What is the nature of your relationship?

4.    Has your friend asked you to refer him to me, and how would they feel if they knew you were giving me their name?

5.    The easy part is telling me about you friend; the hard part is getting the two of us into a conversation – If you were me, what do you think the best approach would be to make sure your friend and I have a conversation?

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What would it be like to have the skills of a mature consultant?

You just learned five great questions that each answer leads to the next question.

As you listen actively, you will have what I call is a "referral conversation."

As you now become aware of this new skill you know during a referral conversation you determine what level of commitment you can make to following up with this referred lead.

Because reading this a few times will make this skill unconscious then the next time a person says, “I have a friend thinking about refinancing, selling or buying,” choose the path of the mature referable consultant and ask the great questions before you commit.

Go For It

Get Rid of The Limiting Beliefs

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Beliefs are birthed.

Your actions are based on your emotion,
Your emotions come from your thoughts,
And your thoughts are birthed from your beliefs.

The Wounded Belief Will Not Heal Until We Treat It.

Discovering and correcting limiting core beliefs about asking for referrals and receiving referrals is absolutely essential if we want to manifest our desires on a permanent basis.

If we set our intention to build a By Referral Only business while harboring a core belief that insists it's impossible, the results we create will be, at best, temporary.

Simply repeating a positive affirmation such as, "I am referable" without first eliminating the underlying, negative core belief that you’re not good enough and others will not refer you, is akin to slapping a Band-Aid on a festering wound.

The wound will not heal until we treat it.

The Only Thing That Matters
It does not matter how you picked up these limiting beliefs. The only thing that matters is that you recognize that the negative emotion is pointing them out to you.

Negative emotion is saying to you: You’re holding a belief that is thwarting your light from shining.

What is a limiting belief?

Many deeply held beliefs we have about ourselves and our personal referability is simply not true.
Do you know that the only thing that can ever hold you back is your own limiting beliefs? Now, what is a limiting belief? A limiting belief is a belief that contradicts your desire.

That is why I have created the Belief-O-Matic.

This is a simple eight-step process used in NLP to bring a deeper awareness to the when, where and how you established your core belief.

Once you uncover the root of the belief, you can then discard it.

This is always one of the most dynamic sessions at the Main Event.

Here is a coaching dialogue transcribed from a live event.

Stan is a real estate consultant who truly desires to build a By Referral Only business and he has this reoccurring negative thought that says, “getting referrals is far too difficult to do and running ads and cold calling is easier”.

He loves to work with referred people and his current strategy to get referrals is to wait until they come to him.

This is very reactive, not proactive.

So, Stan asked me to help him remove this belief he had about how difficult it is to get referrals.

The Belief-O-Matic In Action

Stan picked the statement “Asking for referrals is difficult,” as the core belief to change.

He gave me permission to coach him through the Belief-O-Matic Process. Look what happened – pay attention – you only change when you pay attention.

Stan: Asking for Referral is difficult.

Joe:  How long have you had this thought?

Stan: Forever. I am very uncomfortable asking for what I want.

Joe: Do you have a reason that benefits you to hang on to that belief?

Stan: No, I don’t want it.

Joe: How do you know you don’t want to believe that asking for referrals is difficult?

Stan: Because it is difficult, I don’t ask, and I don’t get any.

Joe: In regards to being difficult, have you ever felt like things have been difficult for you?

Joe: Stan would you repeat that belief, 3 times…

Stan: My whole life has been difficult. My whole life has been difficult. My whole life has been difficult.

Joe: Can you remember your earliest memory of things being difficult?

Stan: When I was in high school.

Joe: Can you describe a very specific situation where you experience this difficulty?

Stan: Yes, at school in the swimming class. My coach made me swim and it was very difficult for me to do.

Joe: Can you think of an earlier incident in which life was difficult?

Stan: Yes, when I was 7 years old I broke my glasses. (Stan pauses, his eyes well up, this means we are getting to the root to the belief.)

Joe: Describe the exact situation you’re in, with complete detail, as if you are in it.

Stan: I am walking home from school, looking down at my glasses and they are broken. I am very upset because I know that when I get home, I am going to get in big trouble. My dad is so hard on me.

Joe: What is little 7- year-old Stan feeling as he walks home with the broken glasses?

Stan: I can’t do anything right.

Joe: Say that again.

Stan: I can’t do anything right. It’s just too hard for me.

Joe: Stan, now stop that picture, freeze-frame it. Now imagine that Big Stan is in the picture. That is you today. What would Big Stan say to Little Stan, who is walking home from school with broken glasses?

Stan: He would say it was no big deal.

Joe: Can you hold little Stan in your arms right now and simply say, Little Stan you’re safe; it’s no big deal.

Stan: Yes. It’s no big deal little Stan; it really doesn’t matter.

Joe: Now, can you tell Little Stan that you love him and you will always be there for him?

Stan: (Eyes swell up a little tear falls to his cheek. This means the new belief has been installed.) Yes. Little Stan, I love you and I will always take care of you.

Joe: Stan, open your eyes. Fill in the blank. Asking for referrals is _________.

Stan: (With passion and conviction) Is no big deal.

Stan wrote me a note after the training.

Dear Joe,

On a purely personal level today, I am back in touch with the realization that I don’t have to live my life out of the choices and decisions I made as a child.

I am free to choose right now and in every moment to live and act from who I am now to create the person I intend to become.

Here Are The 8 Steps That Stan Went Through – I Call It Belief-O-Matic

Step1. Select a single statement that represents your negative belief about asking for referrals. Stan selected’ “asking for referrals is difficult.”

Step 2. Make sure you want to change your belief. When you are working with a coach, guide or friend to help you make changes in your belief, make certain that you give your guide permission to change your belief. This step is called Desire.

Stan confirmed that he wanted to get rid of the belief that asking for referrals is difficult.

Step 3. Say your current belief out loud with passion. Take complete ownership of your belief. Stan says three times, “ Asking for referrals in hard.”  He says it 3 times with great passion.

This step is called Ownership.

Stan affirms, “My whole life has been difficult.”

Step 4. What is the earliest memory of difficult?

You most look deeply into your memory. If you say “I can’t remember anything,”  it means that you are choosing not to remember anything.

Remember, reunite and reconnect with you. The memory that is most painful is the one you choose not to look at or re-experience. This is the part of the process that will set you free.

Close your eyes and look deep. Keep saying the Ownership Statement out loud and discover the memory that is the earliest experience of this statement.

You might remember something from high school.

If you have a specific example before the age of 10 – you might want to look again. Can you remember anything before the age of 7 that reminds you of difficult? Stan shared a high school memory and I helped him look to an earlier time.

Most of the time your beliefs come from early childhood from birth to 5 years old.  Once you have discovered the origin of the belief – go to-

Step 5.
This step is called Discover.
Stan remembers his experience with his broken glasses.

Once you have the picture in mind, completely embrace the scene.
Be in the scene.

Relive the scene.

Completely associate with the situation – this is a memory not a reality. Byron Katie says you may have been beaten as a child once, but in your memory you beat your self up everyday by not dealing with this once and for all.

This is the step many people in our culture choose to cover up with a pharmaceutical solution. Speak it out loud and say exactly what is happening. Speak it in the first person like it is happening to you right now.

Completely feel the emotional charge associated with it. This step can take time to fully process – feel it – embrace it.

Stan embraces his story. I am walking home from school, looking down at my glasses and they are broken. I am very upset because I know that when I get home I am going to get in big trouble. My dad is so hard on me.

Step 6. Once you have fully emotionalized in step 5 – or another way of saying it is you are done crying – now dissociate from the scene.

Create a still picture of the situation in your mind. Disassociate from the situation.

Simply stand outside the picture and witness the scene. The step is called Witnessing.

Stan freeze-frames the picture and steps outside it.

Step 7. As you are witnessing – access love.

Find something in the situation that you can love. Surround the picture with your love. Love the situation.

Love the picture. You don’t have to love the people. Just love the situation. If you choose, you can love the people. The secret to releasing the old belief is to release the energy that is stored in the memory. This memory is controlling you life.

Choose to live from your imagination, not from a childhood memory that you didn’t even choose.

The path to freedom is filled with love. Love heals all. This step is called Acceptance.

Big Stan picks up little Stan and says, “ It’s no big deal.”

Step 8. Re-Create a new belief.

Stan says that asking for referrals is no big deal.

The Belief-O- Matic
1. Awareness -
2. Desire
3. Ownership
4. Discover
5. Embrace
6. Witness
7. Accept
8. Re-Create

Referability

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You hear me use the word referability quite a bit. Let me define it for you.

Referability is the awareness that you feel when you are giving so much value to your client, that they unconsciously want to send people they care about to you because they deeply respect you.

Referability is not always what you say; it’s more who you are and what you do.

Referability is the silent power of care and respect.

Referrability is letting your actions and attitude do your talking.

Referability is making yourself so valuable, so powerful, so congruent, so clear, and so aware that people around you experience an amplified desire to share the feeling they are getting from you with the people they care about.

What Is Your Awareness About Your Referability?

Do you have enough awareness to know when you are being referable and when you are not being referable?

Do you have enough consciousness to know when you are thinking like and behaving like a person who radiates with referability and when you are not?

Your referability resides inside your consciousness.

Your consciousness is your concept of yourself.

You create your self-concept through the arrangement of your thoughts.

Your thoughts are always arranged in the image of all you believe and consent to be true.

You are a manifestation of every combination of thoughts you have ever had.

Everything that happens to you, everything you do to yourself and others and everything that is currently present in your life right now has happened as a result of your state of consciousness.

Your consciousness is all that you think and desire and love, all that you believe is true and consent to.

That is why a change to a referability consciousness is necessary before you can actually start to consistently receive high quality referrals.

You must develop a referability consciousness.

You do that by saturating yourself in all the knowledge, insight and wisdom you can find on the subject of referrals.

That is why I have spent the last 25 years of my life reading, researching, interviewing and thinking about the subject of referrals.

Some of the most successful agents and lenders in North America are students of By Referral Only.

Many of the national trainers and coaches within the real estate and mortgage industry are students of the By Referral Only teachings.

So you have found the right place to learn and master the subject of referrals. Come back daily for your dose of referral reality.

Don't keep me a secret - pass it on!

GO FOR IT!

Focus On Finding Meaningful Information

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You like me, want your conversations with the people who are referred to you to be meaningful, valuable, significant, and compelling. If that is the case, then you must do your homework prior to contacting your referred prospect.

Here are four suggested questions to ask your referring person about the referred person.

Give them a try. What I have experienced is that once I have the answers to the four FORD questions, then it is much easier to initiate a meaningful conversation with the referred prospect.

You be the judge.

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Magic Words That Get Referrals

“Thank you for referring Dean to me. I don’t know if I can help him.

Only after I talk with him will I know.

May I ask you a few questions about so when I do talk to him I won’t feel like a stranger?”
 
F    What can you tell me about Dean and his family?
O    What information can you share with me about his occupation?
R    What does Dean do for recreation?
D    Do you know anything about Dean’s dream or aspiration?

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When you know the answers to questions like this, it is so much easier to call Dean and build rapport and trust quicker.

For example, this is how I would call Dean if Patty referred him to me.

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Magic Words That Get Referrals

RING…RING

“Hello?”

“Dean?” (pause)

“Yes?”

“Joe Stumpf.” (pause)

“Yes?”

“We have a mutual friend, Patty Miller. Is this a good time to talk?”

“Yes, I know Patty well.”

“Dean, we were talking about you yesterday and she suggested I give you a quick call.”

“Yes.”

“Patty, told me you enjoy golf and that you and your wife, Sonja, live at Valley Country Club.”

“That’s right.”

“She’s big fan of yours – and all the consulting work you do for website clients.”

“Yes.”

“Dean, I am Patty’s mortgage consultant and she thought it would be a good idea to call you introduce myself and see if we have a reason to get together.”

“I don’t know if I can help you, but if I can ask you a few questions, then I can listen to your answers and if I am not the right person to help, then you I can let you know right away.”

“I have an opening in my schedule tomorrow at 1 p.m. or next Wednesday at 3 p.m.”

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This is such a key concept in securing referral business.

Please, study this.

The vital thing is that you don't “wing it.”

You need to have a very intentional approach.

It is always best to script it. With a script you sound more prepared and confident.

Be clear about who you are and why you're calling.

An important phrase I used above is, “We have a mutual friend Patty Miller. Is this a good time to talk?”

Scripting referral conversations is something that we spend a great deal of time on at our Main Event training on day three.

If you haven’t been to the NEW Main Event click here and check it out.

GO FOR IT!

Unconscious Commitment

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What Is Your Unconscious Commitment About Building A Referral Business?

What is your truth about your commitment to creating referable relationships?

Do you really want to have healthy genuine relationships to be the foundation of your business?

You have a choice.

You can be transactional.

You can help a person buy sell or borrow and never have a genuine referable relationship.

You can attract people through advertising and marketing and never really get too close to them and certainly never let them get to close to you.

You can do the deal and move on.

You can play on the surface and have little or no depth to your relationship.

You can easily attract people who have the same level of commitment.

You can easily find buyers, sellers and borrowers who see you as an end to a means.

They don’t want relationship, they want a good deal and they don’t really care about you and your personal being.

I would know.

For my first 10 years in business, I was not conscious about whom I had to be and the quality of commitment that was required to have genuine committed referable relationships.

Here is my bottom line truth about how I began the process of creating a conscious referral business - I never had the slightest chance of creating and sustaining a referral business until I made a conscious commitment to creating healthy, happy relationships in my life.

Up until the moment I made a conscious commitment to attracting and keeping great healthy clients, my unconscious programming was running my life and business.

A truer statement was my unconscious commitment was doing a better job of ruining it then running it.

Looking back over my life, I can see now that the biggest and hardest decision I made was to change my unconscious programming about attracting genuine healthy referable relationships.

Through lots of personal development and reflective awareness, I have come to the place where I believe that whatever is going on in my life is what I am committed to either consciously, unconsciously or both.

The power of commitment has given me everything I have in my life now.

If you want to know what you’re committed to, simply look at the results you have in your life.

What is your commitment to money?
What is your commitment to happiness?
What is your commitment to genuine loving relationships?

What ever is happening now is what you are committed to – and for the most part the commitment is an unconscious commitment.

Building Referable Relationship

Click, Listen and Learn

Do you have a belief that asking for referrals will hurt your existing clients, friends and family relationships?

I wonder where that belief comes from.

My 25 years of experience tells me something very different.

My belief is, “asking for referrals strengthens not weakens relationships.”

Now, if you have a fear of asking for referrals, it may be that you have real challenges with either your character or your systems.

The fact is, when your character is strong and your systems are strong, asking for referrals will strengthen your relationship.

What do you need to do today to:

1.    Strengthen your character?
2.    Strengthen you systems?
3.    Ask people who trust you to refer you?

When you do all three you build referable relationships.

Go For It!

10 Referral Conflicts

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What Are The Ten Internal Conflicts You Must Overcome To Attain Referral Mastery?

Are you the type of real estate or mortgage consultant who knows they should be asking for referrals and you are not?

Try this.

Out of these 10 questions, how many do you answer yes?

1.    Have you developed the habit of forgetting to ask for referrals?

2.    When you are with people do you spend all your time talking about current business and do you not leave enough time to ask for referrals?

3.    Do you feel awkward or uncomfortable when you ask for a referral and they don’t know anyone?

4.    Do you feel that asking for a referral is a sign of weakness and believe that if they know anyone they will refer you without you having to ask?

5.    Do you ever feel that asking for a referral is unprofessional?

6.    Have you ever felt like you were begging or groveling for business when you are asking for referrals?

7.    Have you had a bad experience asking for a referral in the past and you have decided not to do it anymore in the future?

8.    Are you uncomfortable with the scripts or dialogues you have been taught to use to ask for referrals or have you not had any training in asking for referrals or both?

9.    Do you ever feel you don’t deserve referrals?

10.     Do you feel that most people have had a bad experience referring a friend to a typical salesperson so you don’t bother asking?

So let’s call the 10 questions “your internal conflict.”

Let’s divide them into three groups - unconscious conflicts, lack of value conflicts and you-centered conflicts. 

#1.Unconscious Conflict

Do you forget to ask for referrals?

Do you just run out of time?

I am going to be tough on you now!

These two reasons are simply unconscious conflicts.

Wake up.

This gives you the opportunity to talk about your philosophy of doing business.

Have your vision statement printed on the back of your card.

This is to remind you what is important to you.

When you show people your card,use the following dialogue:

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Power Referral Dialogue

Here is my card. The front is all my contact information. My phone, address and e-mail.
The gold seal ‘By Referral Only” is my philosophy.  If you turn the card over, you will see that on the backside it explains how my philosophy of doing business By Referral Only serves you.

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Forgetting is Irresponsible

Forgetting and not leaving enough time to talk about referrals is simply unacceptable behavior for the agent or lender who demands excellence from him or herself.

How would you like your client to say to you, “I forgot I have to pay you?”

Or if the electric company said, “we forgot to turn on your electric?”

You would be livid.

Get upset at yourself for this lame unconscious reason for not asking.

Not leaving enough time is simply a way of sabotaging your success. The easiest remedy is to talk about it in the beginning.

That is why I train my 10-Step Initial Presentation Consultation to plant referral seeds at least 3 to 5 times in the first 15 to 18 minutes.

Wake up and remember to ask and do it in the beginning so you don’t ever run out of time.

#2 Lack of Value Conflict

You may actually believe that there are better skilled agents and lenders out there who can do a more professional job then you.

Well, have I got news for you!

Most of the agents and lenders out there are not nearly as skilled or dedicated as you.

How do I know?

You’re reading this.

Just the fact that you’re willing to study and improve your skills makes you one of the top 10% of the agents and lenders in the business.

Try this.

Think of the most inept, unethical, incompetent real estate agent or lender you know.

Think of a person in your local area.

A person you may have done business with or have heard of this person as being a poor representative of your industry.

See that person in your in you mind’s eye.

Now imagine your client’s best friends, family members and co-workers stumbling into him or her at an open house, meeting them on floor duty or responding to some web information.

The next step is the most painful but it’s the most mature thing you can do.

Imagine that you are fully responsibility for that person’s poor experience buying, selling or borrowing.

I didn't’t say feel guilty – guilt sucks – I said feel responsible.

You may ask, “Why am I responsible?”

Good question.

The answer is that you choose not to talk about referrals or ask for referrals because you don’t recognize your value.

You don’t believe in you.

You don’t believe you make a difference.

You don’t believe you provide enough value.

You don’t believe that what you do is worth their referral. You might even have trouble defending how much commission you charge because you don’t know your value.

It’s time for you to stop building the business if of all “those” agents and lenders out there that simply don’t have the integrity and the character that you have.

The way you stop that is – ask for referrals – you’re worth it.

To be comfortable and feel worthy and deserving you really must believe that your consulting skills, your negotiating skills and your ability to oversee all the complexity in the transition is really of value to them.

You must have a deep knowledge that you are the best option available for them and everyone they know and love.

You may not really believe that when they have a friend or family member who needs a great consultant, a skilled negotiator or a person to oversee all the transitional details that you’re the best person for that job.

At the By Referral Only 3-Day Main Event Workshop you learn how to present yourself as a skilled Consultant, Negotiator, and Person Who Oversees all the Transactional Details.

# 3 You Centered Conflict

If you have a comfort or deserving issue, it’s because your approach does not fit your skill level.

I teach two ways to approach asking for referrals.

Approach one is called “You Centered.”

To be “You Centered”, you must be the best, know you’re the best and communicate like you’re the best.

You believe that people should refer you because they owe it to you.
It’s all part of the agreement. You do a great job consulting, negotiating and overseeing all the details and they gladly refer people to you – because your business is based on referrals.

You hold them co-responsible for the growth of your business.

This is not arrogance. This is confidence.

You deserve it.

This approach works very well when your confidence is high based on how skilled you are in the big three.

However, if you are uncomfortable or feeling undeserving, you would be best to master “The Client Centered Approach.”

It is focused on the value the clients receives and how important it is that they make sure their friends and family members know how to access the same service.

You must have all the systems and processes in place so you really believe you provide extraordinary value.

You must have a core belief that says, “What I offer to my clients in the way of my consulting, negotiating and overseeing of all the details of the real estate and mortgage transaction is so much more valuable then any other agent or lender could ever imagine providing.

The person you ask for a referral must also believe that your value and expertise is far superior to any other option.

This is the big secret.

You must be able to communicate clearly that the people they care about will never know about you if they choose to not refer you.

How To Tell People You Moved!

Brandon Owen approached me at the Florida Main Event for some advice on the best way to let his clients know he was changing offices. I quickly drew up a 3 step-marketing program, that included 3 postcards that were to be mailed 3 consecutive weeks in a row. Brandon put me on his mailing list. Brandon congratulations you executed it perfectly.

       Postcard #1                               Postcard #2                           Postcard #3
                                                                            

The Referral Continuum.

Here are examples of ten possible introductory referrals you may receive.

The first one has the least amount of potential and the last has the most potential.

When you receive a referral learn to rate them in scale of 1 low 10 high using this continuum.

1.    Your client says, “ I think the guy down the street is moving. You should call him. I don’t know his name, but I think he is moving.”

2.    Your client says, “If I know of anyone, I will give him your card and ask him to call you. It is really up to him if he wants to call you”.

3.    Your client says, “Here is a list of all the people in my neighborhood; you can send out an endorsement letter from me – if you write it I will sign it.”

4.    Your client says, “Here is a list of all my friends with their phone numbers. If you send out a change of address card to all of my friends you might get some new business that way.”

5.    Your client says, “ I am having a company Christmas party and I would like to invite you.  At the party I will tell all my friends that I am one of your clients”

6.    Your client says, “There are three guys at my office who said they will be moving. If you give me your cards, I will pass them on and encourage them to call you.”

7.    Your client says, “There are three guys at my office who said they will be moving; if you come by the office today I would be glad to introduce you.”

8.    Your client says, “If you ever need me to call anyone for you and let them know how great you are, just call me and give me their number and I will call them right away for you.”

9.     Your client says, “My friend Andy is moving. I told him all about you and he is expecting your phone call. Here is his phone number.”

10.     Your client calls you and says, “My friend Andy is on the other line he wants to buy a home. He is highly quailed and he knows you work By Referral Only and he wants to buy a house this week.”

What Does It Mean To Lean?

Leaning is when you communicate with behavior and language as if you are lacking something in your life and your business and you expect others to give you what you need so you will feel better about yourself and your business.

You hear and see agents and lenders leaning when they say things like, “ I am always available to serve anyone you refer to me.”

The leaning is in the words “ I am always available to serve anyone.”  This communicates your desperate need for business and your lack of clear boundaries.

You know you are leaning when you communicate that you are always available and you will work with anyone.
Anyway, is that true?

Are you always available?

Will you work with anyone?

Language is very powerful – be conscious of what you say because you are creating your future with your tongue.

It does not mean that you can’t ask for referrals or help – you can – and I will teach you in future lessons how to ask in powerful way. For now, be conscious that there is a difference between asking dispassionately for what you want and constantly leaning on others emotionally, demanding that they fulfill your desires and insecurity.

Now listen to how an agent or lender who has accessed the power of referability communicates in the same scenario.

*****
Magic Words That Get Referrals

“  I don’t know if I can help your friends or family members. However, when you do choose to recommend my services, I would be delighted to meet with them, ask a few questions, listen to their answers and if I am not the right consultant to serve them, then I will let them know immediately.”

*****

The difference is obvious between the agent who leans with his words and the agent who stands up straight in his communication.

You can feel the difference in the two scenarios.

Stop Needing Referrals

On a recent coaching call one of my client’s said,“ I really need to get more referrals”.

My response was, “as long as you need them you won’t get them”.

She asked me to explain what I meant.

In today’s Blog, I thought you would like to find out what I told her about needing referrals.

The more you need something, the more you attract the energy of needing.
Have you ever heard this,  “Whatever you focus on you attract?”

Try this.

Right now, begin to stop needing referrals.

When you need something, it means you don’t have.

When you come from a place called “I need” you’re in scarcity and lack.

From that place, you attract to you neediness.

When you think and say I need more referrals – what you manifest is a need for more referrals.

That is a rather simple goal to achieve – you end up needing referrals and you have achieved your goal.

Starting Today You Choose To Be Referable vs. You Need Referrals

Affirm these two statements out loud with passion and commitment.

I love the thought of being a highly referable consultant who easily receives two great referral leads from each of my current clients.

I love the thought that today I have decided to get two great referral leads from each of the people I talk to in my center of influence.

What you think about, you talk about and what you talk about, you bring about.

The paradox of referability is that you choose who will refer you vs. you need people to refer you.

When you need referrals from someone you begin psychologically and emotionally leaning on people.

Stuart Wilde introduced the concept of leaning to me in his wonderful little book, Silent Power.

For now keep playing these words in your head:

I love the thought of getting two referrals from my current clients or from any one I speak to in my center of influence.

GO FOR IT!

The Referral Mindset

Remember that when you put yourself into a referral mindset, you feel good about the process of asking for and getting referrals.

The sooner you get your head in the right place, the sooner you will become referable.

Work on each of these seven concepts to develop the referral mindset. Once you have fully assimilated these seven, you are 80% of your way to being By Referral Only.

Realize that the primary purpose of your business is referral.

Empower yourself to only work with people who want to work with you.

Focus on the power referral dialogues and stop hoping for referrals.

Establish a powerful set of boundaries and communicate them clearly.

Resolve to make no more excuses believe that everyone knows someone.

Run your business as if what other think about you makes absolutely no difference.

Advise your clients without ever compromising your integrity.

Love to serve with an open heart – even when your client’s heart is closed.

More On Mastery

Are You An Accomplished Referral Master Or Do You Simply Take Referrals And Measure Your Results?

An accomplished referral master is a person who has learned from the results that he or she has created. Referral masters may have accomplished all of their production goals and, equally important, they have learned the valuable personal and business lessons along the way.

They make accomplishing greater than the experience. Lots of experience in asking for and getting referrals does not make you a referral master.

When you focus on accomplishing referral mastery, not only do you produce results but expand referability into new exciting opportunity.

The Most Important Learned Skill

At the San Francisco Main Event, I was asked what one learned skill would improve a person’s referability most significantly.

I have given it a lot of thought.

My answer is the learned skill of listening.

In my experience, listening is the most powerful force I know for altering the basic personality structure of an individual.

After all, that is what therapy is – listening.

When I am with a client, if I can listen to what he is telling me, if I can understand how it seems to him, if I can hear his personal meaning, if I can feel with my heart the emotional flavor it has for him, then I am being a releasing force of change for him.

Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you’d rather be talking. Aristotle

What is Joe's Journal.com?

Click, Listen and Learn

Hi I am Joe Stumpf, the Joe in JoesJournal.com.

This is one of my playgrounds.

Here I get to share, create, exchange, collaborate and teach whatever I want that will help you become more referable.

For over 25 years I have been writing my thoughts, concepts, insight and
awareness into my journals.

I have 2,783 pages of stuff, all kinds of stuff that I have observed in my
lifetime.

I have had unprecedented access to the most successful agents and lenders in all of North America.

I have observed and journalized exactly what they do, what they don't do, how they think, and how they out wit, out maneuver and out fox virtually everyone.

I have read over 1,000 books on personal development, business success,
spiritual awareness, health, nutrition, relationships, leadership and
management.

I have interviewed and met with hundreds of authors who are   
experts in a wide variety of disciplines. Everything I have experienced has
been captured in my journals.

From 2002 to 2004, I went through a painful martial breakup. In April of 2004, I took five days (the dark night of the soul) and read everything I had written in the prior 23 years.

It served as a significant piece in my healing process.

It reminded me that I have a rich and active -- sometimes overly active -- mind and  imagination. When I was doubting myself and my value to the world, my writings reminded me that I am a keen observer, a smart and thoughtful loving man who simply loves to teach everything he learns.

   In my prayers I asked for direction for my life and the answer came to me through the advice of my dear friend, Milton Merrill.

Milton told me to open my journals for the world to read. Have you ever had someone say the perfect words at the perfect time? Milton did that for me.

Milton said, Joe I have known you for 20 years and your life is filled with rich and powerful experience and profound learning that must be passed on.

During the past 24 months, I have invested hundreds of hours in personal
development workshops, therapy and self-reflection. I have emerged from
that experienced a much wiser, compassionate and generous man.

What you can expect from me are daily blogs that are excerpts from my past  journals, current thinking that is going into my everyday journals and my latest findings about building a referral business.

Please feel free to comment and participate with me in this creation.

Of course, pass this on to everyone you know who would find value in what I have to share.

Thank You and Enjoy!

Why Create A Strategic Referral Process

Click, Listen and Learn

It’s been proven that when real estate and mortgage consultants ask for referrals in a deliberate organized fashion, they get 5 star prospects - lots of the them.

Every referral that turns into a client improves your profit picture because you are lowering the cost of acquisition.

If you want to improve your closing ratios, then increase the number of referred prospect you are introduced to.

When you get to the point where 80% or more of your initial consultations are referred prospects, you will discover a love for your business that is simply not possible when you are constantly working with prospects that are not referred.

After 23 years of teaching SRP – Strategic Referral Process my studies show that 7 out of 10 buyers, sellers and borrowers are willing to refer you.

Amazingly, 2 out of the 7 will do it if you simply do a great job.

The other 5 out of 7 will gladly refer you but you must ask in a deliberate organized manner.

That means out of every 10 buyers, sellers or borrowers with a systematic strategic referral process, you can realize 7 referred prospects.

Imagine how you would feel if 7 of every 10 people you worked with referred you to your next client!

Well I know how to make that happen – and you can learn, too.

Go For It!

Read:The Message of a Master

The Message of a Master, by John McDonald

A classic tale of wealth, wisdom and the secret of success. I love this book. It's on my wisdom bookshelf.

First published in 1929, this 83-page gem is the one of the first books to use the short story formula that I have come to call the 'Blanchard Formula'.

Ken Blanchard, the co-author of the One-minute Manager and about 50 other 100-page books, uses a simple formula to teach profound principals.

John McDonald uses the story of the executive in search of the truth about success. Here are some passages that really resonate with my way of thinking.

Open To Learning New Ways

“Those who think they know everything will learn nothing.
Those who approach a subject with doubt and resistance will learn very little.
But those who take up any subject with an open mind, willing to learn anything that will contribute to their advancement, comfort, and happiness are wise."

First Doing The Interior Work

"Your mind can be likened to a house that has been cluttered over the years with thousands of unnecessary pieces of furniture, pictures, ornaments and other things, all strewn around and piled everywhere.
The results are that, although the outside of the house may present a good appearance, the inside is a mess of confusion and disorder.
It is impossible to accomplish anything under such conditions, for you cannot go after one thing without stumbling over another.
There is no order. No purpose. No progress.
The first necessary thing to do then, is to rid that house of all the furnishings that are not essential to your success."

Power Question?
What is one thing you will get rid of today that is cluttering your life, that's not essential to your success?

Conscious Referable Behavior

First what is consciousness?

Webster says consciousness is awareness, sensitivity, and the ability to perceive the relationship between oneself and one's environment.

We use our conscious mind when we are thinking logically or carefully.
Your referability resides inside your conscious referable behavior.

Here are 10 quick thoughts that come to mind that are referable behaviors. Over the past 22 years, I have compiled a list of over 1,000 ways to improve your referability. Check out these 10.

1. Tell the truth, no matter what!
2. Be on time!
3. Make no assumptions and always ask the question behind the
        question. What is important about ______, to you?
4. Check your thinking with my “Truth Serum Script.”
5. Be more interested then interesting.
6. Acknowledge people frequently with notes.
7. Quickly admit when you’re wrong.
8. Say 'please' and 'thank you'.
9. Give people permission to share how they feel about your service. Be hungry for feedback.
10. Speak with confidence and passion, do your homework and never wing it. If you don’t know the answer, say so.

I was doing some private coaching for a real estate consultant and I had to point out to her that she talked for 45 minutes straight without asking me one question.

I brought into her consciousness, that referable relationships have and equal amounts of give and take.

It was painful for her at first to recognize this, however, after 15 minutes of playing 'The Question Game', she became aware of how unskilled she was at being interested. She was unconscious to the fact that she wanted to be interesting more then she wanted to be interested.

So, look at the list of ten behaviors. Which ones can you bring into conscious constructive behavior?

Rain falls as a result of a change in the temperature, so in a like manner, a change in your referability happens as a result of a change in your state of consciousness.

You must develop a referability consciousness.

Go For It!

How Willing Are You?

Taking an occasional referral is easy. It requires little commitment and not much energy.

Having a flow of 10 to 15, five-star referral prospects a month, every month, seeking your advice and counsel requires an enormous amount of commitment and energy.

Questions like, “How much longer will this take before I start getting a steady stream of referrals?” or “How many more times do I have to ask before they actually refer someone to me?” are self defeating questions.

For the high achieving By Referral Only Consultant, the amount of time and effort to obtain something worthwhile is secondary.

The answer the highly referable real estate or mortgage consultant has to the question “What are you willing to invest is?” is, “I am willing to invest whatever it takes.”

Today, step up your commitment to being referable and building referable relationships.

Today, are you willing to do whatever it takes to grow your referable relationships and become more referable?

Go For It!